déjà vu?

eight // promises

"Ashley! What made you think it was a good idea bringing Josh of all people here to help you break the hospital rules?!" Jenna yelled, her voice raising at every word until I was sure the building was going to shake. Ashley looked very guilty for being confronted about what ever this situation was. I watched as Jenna continued to yell at Ashley, suddenly then becoming very quite as I heard a name being mentioned that was none of our own. It sounded very close to something of– "Tyler" I heard once more. But I could clearly be mistaken, though the answer was right in front of me. Why else would Jenna be here? Why else would she be so angry? I could easily look over her shoulder and see for myself if the answer I thought to be true was in face the truth, but my actions hesitated, I didn't want it to be true. My anxiety began to rise in my chest; my breaths becoming few as
my legs had a mind of their own and began to rattle themselves and my thumbs only scratching the edges of my skin. Jenna noticed it. "Take a look for yourself, hm?"

"O-okay." I stuttered, my legs barely able to wobble themselves over to the bed where thin white sheets lied and the heart monitor beeped every three seconds. I sat on the edge of the mattress, unable to hold myself up any longer, stunned and shocked to see my best friends thin and frail face hooked up to a tube, force feeding him. I already knew, I knew all along deep down in my soul I knew that I knew how he had been starving himself; and I did nothing. I felt guilt over anything, I felt anger over everything, I felt like crying more than anything. "What– happened, exactly?" I cleared my throat between asked, almost getting choked up, tears beginning to form in my eyes. I knew for the most part what happened, but how? Why? When? I looked over past my shoulder to Ashley and Jenna, exchanging glances before Jenna finally decided to speak for herself.

"He– uh well– he overdosed." She stumbled over her tongue. I wanted to yell; I wanted to scream and punch a wall, but I stayed calm. I closed my eyes, and calmly asked for her to elaborate on the topic. "Uh– well, this morning he had drunkenly called me, so I hurried on my way over as I knew he was alone in his house. I was to watch over him, but as for when I entered his unlocked house, he was already chugging nighttime pills and nearly– killed himself." Jenna choked up on the last part, breathing deeply and exhaling the last two words. It was a hard truth to realized and conclude, but I didn't find a hard time believing it.

Though, now over anything I was angry with the half dead boy laying passed out on the hospital bed next to me. I was steaming with anger that I began to pace the room. He promised me that he would never– we made a promise! I felt myself breathing harder, my mind twisting itself trying to untie the knot of the situation. Tyler– he could've– I should've known! My hear began to race, my name was being called but it felt like miles away. I finally took a seat, my knees giving out, but my mind kept running, as if there was a way this wasn't true– as if this was just a dream, but I knew it all to be real. "Josh are you okay?" Ashley's voice came from next to me, but I still felt miles away. I nodded, swallowed the lump in my throat as I turned my spinning head toward Ashley. She looked worried, Jenna mirroring her expression. "What were you mumbling about– something like promises?"

"What?" I paused, my mind focused. Was I really mumbling all of that? Oh crap. I took a deep breath in, not exactly knowing what else to say. I coughed, looking between the two girls and then at Tyler's unconscious body. "Well– a while ago, before the start of High School, Tyler and I had made some silly promises– none to really be taken too seriously." I laughed, remembering one of the more crazy ones. "–but, well, it suddenly all got serious. Where Tyler made one promise– and it lead me to make one more serious one. That one being how we both promised never– never to commit suicide or attempt it."

Jenna and Ashley looked a bit stunned. I sat there for moments, that one night coming back as though it was yesterday. We were being the childish Middle Schoolers we were, going into HighSchool, laughing and joking. We made the silliest of promises, none to be taken into account these many years later, except, well two. It was the night Tyler told me never to allow him to lose himself; how he'd lose his mind. It was only until this short time later, that I suddenly realized how the two promises connected so well. The second promise wasn't easy– it was one so deep that I had said. That night we had blankets over a fort we made, it was probably almost 2am and not even a week before HighSchool began. We had finished watching a movie, as the credits rolled, we had a deep conversation, one of many to come during our HighSchool careers. Conversations that I'd give the world to have again with the only person that understood me as well as I understood him.

"I won't; if you promise me one other thing." I said, looking Tyler straight in the eyes. He nodded, awaiting my response. I didn't know how else to put it, so I said it firmly and quickly as I could– like taking off a band-aid in some way. "Promise me that you will never attempt suicide or even think about hurting yourself." Tyler looked shocked, his eyes wide and stunned. The color looked almost drained from his eyes as he said the next sentence. "Only if you promise too." I gulped, as we both crossed out pinkies together. "Promise," we both said.

I kicked a chair beneath my feet, standing despite my knees threatening to give way. Jenna and Ashley watched me in anticipation to what I was going to do. I turned around to say something, I only grew angrier as I looked toward the bed of broken promises, with the only person I ever trusted with my life, laying down, half dead in front of my own eyes. His life could've been gone in an instant and he wouldn't even have the body to feel sorry. I clenched my teeth together, forcing the words out of my mouth as I spoke. "I'll see you guys later. I just need some time– alone." I walked out the door and out of the hospital, I felt angry at the boy who least deserved it, laying on a thin mattress and white sheets; I could help but to leave before I punched him in his fragile face. I could help to look at him; the broken promise screaming with every beep from his monitor.

Boy, was I mad and did he ever deserve a yelling at from, once he was better of course. I quickly text Ashley and Jenna, planning another one of their 'parties' once Tyler was better, just so I could kick his promise breaking butt.

[edited.]

a/n this is where i had *officially* stopped editing my book. i don't remember exactly everything, as i really haven't read my book in forever, but i can assure the writing from here on won't be good (which means it'll be even worse than this.) so, i hope you enjoy the rest of the book, if you can get through all the bad writing and grammar.