ETHAN KELLEN TRILOGY ft. TAKE ME TO CHURCH

feeling more human

Taking her by the hand, Ethan helped Trixie off the floor, careful not to rush her. He watched as she situated her feet below her, placing them far enough apart to balance herself, but close enough so that she femininely rose from the floor. Her hands lilted in his, using him only to steady herself.

"You need a tissue or a cuppa tea?"

"I'm all right, thank you. You need anythin'?" Trixie asked, hoping he would ask her of something.

Ethan shook his head politely and smirked through a, "I'm fine, ta." He walked past her and opened the door. The wind outside caught her light hair and whipped her white dress around her knees. "Here, take this." Ethan stepped aside and opened his coat closet. He shrugged a heavy coat off a hanger and handed it to Trixie.

"I'm fine, I'm not cold."

Ethan ignored her and fitted the coat over her shoulders. He didn't touch her for the rest of their walk.

The weather was grey and thin, but that was to be expected in England. The streets were empty, only a few people out and about. Ethan lived on the outskirts of Billingham, a place far away from the City and much to itself. He couldn't imagine living in London, the thought of it made him sick. He wasn't sure what Trixie thought of London, but she was probably much more adaptable to populated cities.

"I don't live too far," Trixie said, feeling a little warmer than before. "I live by the shore."

"You like the ocean?"

Trixie hummed. "Yes. I like looking out and watching the waves and the gulls. There's something magical about it. It helps me write and focus. Not much one for crowds."

"You've got friends? Mates?"

"Only a few. Some of them board at the University and we go out sometimes for drinks. But most of the time, I like living by myself."

"Really? Are you one of those people who enjoys the company of a few?"

"Yes."

"That's funny," Ethan remarked, stopping in his tracks, "you seemed like the type of girl who had lots of friends and didn't stay in much."

"What gave you that impression?" Trixie was intrigued at what Ethan thought of her. Perhaps this would help them get on much better.

"I don't know. You know what you want and talk smart, and little things like that. I assumed you were liked by many, hated by few."

Trixie laughed and her head moved back and forth slowly. "No, I actually don't know enough people to make close friends or sworn enemies."

"Do you have an enemy?" The two of them returned to walking, their bodies unconsciously moving closer to one another.

Trixie shrugged and brushed the hair out of her eyes. "Erm, not really. I get along fine with my parents and there wasn't much hurt between me and the man I had been with. I can't say I've met someone awful enough for me to consider my enemy."

Ethan made to rest his arm around her, but he stopped himself and remembered who he was and where he was. He couldn't lead her on; he couldn't make her believe he was fine being seen with her. He was there only to walk her home, that was it.

Ten minutes passed by and neither had said a word to one another, but that wasn't awkward for them. They enjoyed not having to think up of meaningless conversations or talk just to hear their own voices -- silence was just as acceptable as any other verbal social interaction.

The air thinned out into a crisp breeze as they approached the shores. They could soon see the pale sand stretching far out to a dock and up long the coastal line where several houses could be seen. A stone wall had been built to act as a bluff against the waves, keeping the houses protected.

"Which one's yours?" Ethan asked, admiring the little cottages.

"The one in the middle. It's nice. Get's rather nippy inside when I don't have a fire going, but other than that, it's quite lovely." Trixie slipped the coat off and handed it back to Ethan. "I shall go now, thank you. I apologise, again, for everything. I hope we can leave with an honest understanding." She presented an open hand, waiting for him to shake it.

Ethan scratched the back of his neck, the gesture she had grown to read as one of uncertainty and helplessness. "Of course, right you are." Ethan closed his hand around her's and gave it a firm shake. "Don't give up your writing, you're very good. And I wish you the best."

Trixie wanted to say something encouraging without being soft or mushy. She wanted to say something clever and witty; something that would leave him thinking of her even more. She was afraid to say what she really felt, for she knew that was the quickest way to make him walk away. But she also didn't want to feel like she was forbidden to say anything kind or sincere. "I hope you find your happiness, Ethan. Wherever and whatever that may be."

Ethan gave her a soft smile, one that made his eyes crinkle in a boyish manner she loved. He leaned in and kissed her lightly on the cheek. The instant warmth sent a skin-tingling sensation through her body and breathing became something she had to remind herself to do.

Ethan began to pull away before slowly moving his lips over hers. He didn't touch her, but remained still, as if waiting for her to give him permission.

Trixie lifted herself slightly off of her feet and met his lips. It was strange. The kiss. It wasn't like a chemical explosion, or electricity shooting through their bodies, or even the igniting of their desires, but more like the slow awakening of the tender and sensitive Flesh. The hidden aches and wants they both knew the other shouldn't satisfy, were now blossoming into a collision of mystery and confusion.

Trixie found her arms cradled around his head and her body pressed up against his. She could feel his hands resting around her hips, securing her so that her loss of balance didn't disturb their affections.

His hands gripped her tighter and their kiss deepened.  The rapid sound of their breathing matched the pulsing of the crashing and roaring waves.  Their skin grew alert to every shifting of fabric and every movement of the other person.  It wasn't long before they knew kissing and fondling wouldn't be enough.

"We can't do this," Ethan breathed, pulling against her arms. "This is dangerous for your reputation."

Reading the concern in his eyes, she lowered her arms so that only her hands held his face. Smoothing his hair and stroking his jawline and neck, she assured him of their safety, "No one that I care about can see us. Not this early in the morning. And the destruction of my reputation will be my own fault."

"I can't stay with you. It only makes things worse." Ethan slipped out from underneath her hands and started off back to his home. He heard the girl call out to him, asking him why would it make matters worse if, for her, they weren't so bad to begin with. He knew he couldn't answer her because if he did, he would only have to lie to himself that his growing love for her wasn't real.