Angela

Chapter twenty four

I reckon this will be the third to last chapter. Maybe the second to last. Anyway. It's near the end.

Believe me it gets sadder!

¡Adiós!

****

Days, weeks go by. I retire to my room, a place where I can die in comfort. I don't have the willpower to eat or drink. I've lost the will to live, what is life without George. The only person I have left is Hazell. But even she doesn't need me anymore, I need her. She's like my personal eight year old slave. Every day when I wake up it crushes me anew, the pain, hanging over my head like a signpost or a stormy cloud throughout my day. I burst into tears or fireworks time and time again at random intervals in the day and the worst part is that a lot of the time I have no idea what's even going on. All I know is that George is dead. People keep offering me counselling, people I meet in the street who are either old friends or neighbours who feel sorry for me.
I'm such a pitiful creature. I don't even sleep, I prepared a shrine for George in the living room but it can't look like much. It was made by a blind girl.

The local hospice has paid for me to get an education at St Cuthbert's School For The Disabled. But I don't care,hopefully I won't live long enough to have to go there.

I finger the rope in my hands, it feels strong. Strong enough to hang a young adult. Anticipation and glee pulses through my veins as I tie it to the beam hanging above the kitchen and, with much difficulty tie a respectable noose. I wait, my heart pounding for probably the last times ever until I hear Hazell clamber up the creaky stairs back to her room. When I know she is safely tucked up in bed I feel a wave of guilt towards my loved ones. Hazell needs me, but she's a strong independent young girl, she could do without a blind girl as a burden to her. Even if she was put in care, she'd be better off there. With her easy smile and happiness shining through the clouds she was bound to make friends. But my mum, she made me promise that...

But the she went and committed suicide anyway, she didn't care. I'll give her a mouthful when I see her again, God. If only I could actually see her again. Dad never even paid any attention to me, I'll see George and mum if I go. All I'll be is a bag for Hazell to lug around all her life. My teeth chattering with happiness at finally having made up my mind. I push a chair under the noose before taking out my phone. I need to leave Hazell something to hang onto. She'll have nobody after this.

"Hello, beautiful. Amazing, kind, wonderful girl." I press record and start talking into the mic, feeling gears creep into my eyes at my words.
"I am so proud of you. I'm sorry, I couldn't face it. George is gone and by the time you get this, I will be too. I'm so sorry I couldn't stay around but I feel I was just a burden to you. I used to look after you but after the accident it was vice versa. I know it feels like it but you can manage without me. Look after dad. My strong, brave girl. I love you. I love you so much." My voice collapses in sadness and for a second I want to just go back upstairs to bed and forget this whole idea but I stand on the chair anyway. Overwhelmed with emotion both happy and sad I feel a buzzing in my veins and my brain is shrouded with anticipation for my next move. Do it. Do it. Do it. The voice wills me to. Don't do it! Do it! Don't do it!

Quaking with confusion, feeling the joy spill through my body I place my head in the noose and push the chair away with my feet. Instantly I feel a weight drag me down and struggle for a second before the pain is over and all I feel is a chill spreading through my blood and skin. Beautifully, majestically, I feel myself slipping away. I find myself not struggling for breath, but enjoying the freedom of not having to breath,not having to live. A last twinge of sadness, one last firework exploding in my soul and then I am gone. And I can think no more. It's like falling into a deep, dreamless sleep. A sleep that I'll never wake up from.

****

:-(
She committed suicide.
X
Sadness.
But the story isn't over yet. I bet you were wondering about Hazell. Find that out in the next chapter!

(A very sad and half hearted). ¡Adiós!