Angela

Chapter twenty

I can't believe I've been writing this book so long! I normally procrastinate big time and move onto another story within the first couple of chapters so this is really quite an achievement for me! Yayyy! I might even be able to finish the whole book!

¡Adiós!

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I am shocked. I don't think either of us has noticed what he has said. I don't think either of us has been really noticing how fast this relationship has been moving but now it's all crashing down on my head and pushing me underwater. I don't know what to say, it seems far too soon but... I do want to. I do want to live with George, to let him be truly mine. And I know that I am more than old enough to marry, even if I do not have parental consent I technically am eighteen- an adult, free to make my own life decisions.

But yet it seems so impossible, so strange an idea to me. If we are a married couple Hazell and Ralph ( George's little brother ) can be like our children, we can look after, seeing as our parents can't even look after themselves. Maybe that family I wished for could be reality, we could even get ourselves jobs, buy ourselves a cute little flat somewhere...

I want to say yes, I can sense the hurt moving in like a storm cloud cloud over him and press the ring into my palm, what do I really want? When George speaks the silence is broken, and so is my heart.
"I mean... I'll move in with you anyway, it's just I... Look, I really want this, I love you and I'm prepared to spend the rest of my life with you, I... I don't want to leave for Cornwall, and I'm not going to, whatever happens. I can't leave you, Angela. Do you see?"
His voice seems so broken, so bruised. It's the voice of a man whose heart is slowly breaking into a thousand pieces. I hate hearing him like this, I know we will love each other no matter what but I have an awful feeling whatever I do I will wreck this all. It's all I ever seem to do.

"I... I get it if you don't to yet, I mean, it's just early. I understand... Completely if you say no."

But I'm not going to. I've waited a while for somebody like George to come and release me from the cage that I feel I have been entombed in my whole life, he holds the key to that cage. Now I am wild and free, an independent adult with a life of my own. And I can do whatever I want with it, and I want to do whatever I want with my life and my boyfriend.

"Maybe I have to explain, look. I've been looking for someone like you for a long time. The longest time in the world, even though to you it's just eighteen years. Now I've found that someone, I'm not prepared to wait for me and that someone to truly belong to each other. I...I can't risk losing you, Angela. I need you to be mine truly, and forever. I... I love you."
My mind is whirling around in circles of happiness. Could this be more romantic, unscripted yet poetic. George is pouring his heart out to me at last. And it's the most beautiful thing...
"Do you know what you're getting into, George."
"Yes, I do. I do."
"I'm blind, and I can't do what you can do. You deserve better."
"No, but I don't want better."

We are going round on circles, I don't know why I can't just say yes. I'm just so nervous. What I say next is promising myself away. For the rest of my life. Though what George says is true. There is no need to wait, we've found who we are supposed to be with at long last, there's no need to wait any longer.

"So I guess its a no. You... You're saying no."
"No,"
I say, my throat tight and dryer than a desert. I love this man, I truly do. So what am I waiting for?
"I'm not going to say that."
George clutches my hands tightly, waiting. Slowly, I slip the ring onto my index. When he lets go, I hold up my hand, I can see him practically jump for joy at the sight of the ring gleaming on my finger.

"I'm going to say yes."