July [n.h.]

chapter four: dark eyes, loud cries

Calloused, rough hands pressed against my mouth and the presence of a man beside me threatened the quiet of the December dawn. Realizing it couldn't be Niall, every cell in my body drowned in alarm as I began to thrash out against the man, but his grip only grew tighter.

"Stop," is all I heard from a hoarse voice. It was filled with thick emotion and sounded familiar. The man shifted his body to the left to lean more of it over mine. I began to panic as I hopelessly kicked, shoved, and punched anything I came into contact with.

"Stop!" came the deep voice again, louder now. He pulled out a gun.

I'm going to die, I'm going to die, I'm going to die was the only thought infiltrating my mind.

I stopped writhing beneath his weight. My body was shaking with fear as I whispered into his hand, "What do you want from me? Who are you?"

I wasn't sure if the man heard me as he lifted my chin to look him in the eye. My gaze reluctantly met cerulean eyes that matched my own.

Dad.

I was in disbelief. My mouth opened but I couldn't get the words to come out.

"I don't have much time," my dad said hurriedly. He threw the gun next to me and stood up straight before continuing, "but I need you to use this to protect yourself and your sister." He began pacing in front of me as I sat up on the pullout couch.

"Protect us from what?" I asked, confused as to what he was implying.

"That's not the point. Just don't risk putting you or your sister in danger. Shoot if you feel terrorized."

"Did something happen? Where's mom? Are you both in trouble? When are you coming home?" The questions spilled out of my mouth like water from a broken dam. I had so many things I needed answers to.

Dad turned his back to me before sighing. He debated on how to answer before deciding on stating it bluntly, "Never. We can't come home. I shouldn't even be here right now. We left to protect you and Roslyn. This is for the best."

I lost it at his words. The rage that filled my heart when my parents first left was the only thing I felt in this moment. "For the best? Maybe it's the best for you, but I've been struggling to keep Roslyn and I alive for the past few months while you two took the easy way out. If you really cared about us, you would have taken the time to explain why you left us behind. I knew our family was fucked up, but I never thought you would leave your kids here in this supposed 'danger.' You're just asking for us to die! How could you leave us here? How could you? I hate you!"

By the time I finished, I was standing in front of my father with sorrowful eyes and a rapidly beating heart. He kissed my forehead and tried to embrace me in response, but I flinched away from his touch and pushed him further from me.

"Please, Micah. Please don't make this harder than it needs to be," he pleaded in a gentle tone.

"No. Get out of here. I don't want to see you ever again. You abandoned us and now I'm abandoning you." My body was hot and I couldn't breathe. My emotions were poisoning my thoughts and words just like always.

My dad's eyes altered to remorse as he moved toward the door. They were more sad than I have ever recalled seeing them. "I know what you're going through is difficult, but I'm not sorry for leaving you and Roslyn behind. My job...it took a dangerous path. I had no choice but to leave."

Before I could process what he was saying, he added, "I love you. I love Roslyn too. You don't understand what is happening now, but you will one day." He kissed me once more before handing me an envelope filled with cash. I threw it to the floor as I watched my father depart from my life again. Money couldn't replace the guidance and support my parents used to provide. When the door finally slammed shut from his departure, I had a feeling his goodbye was set in stone.

***

Fifteen minutes after I called Niall, he arrived at my front door. I grudgingly got up from the couch to open it. The look on my face must have said it all because he quickly closed the door behind him and sat us both down at the kitchen table. Our positions mimicked the first time he appeared at my home.

He waited for me to gather my thoughts. I didn't know how to, so I started with a casual "Hey."

"You look like hell," was said with a small smile upon his pink lips.

I chuckled quietly. I didn't want to talk about what happened, I just needed his company.

Minutes passed before he rose from his chair and dragged it across the wooden floor of the kitchen. It scraped loudly, but I couldn't care less. Another thing ruining as time passes, just like the rest of us.

He didn't press me. He only sat in front of me and searched my face.

"Your eyes are grey this time," he proclaimed quietly. He inspected my face thoroughly, prodding at the freckles across my nose and ruddy cheeks.

"Thirty-five," he declared.

"What?"

"Thirty-five freckles. I counted. They look beautiful on you."

I blushed at his words. The space between us was limited now; we were breathing the same air. I didn't know how to act in this moment. I didn't know what I wanted. All I knew was that I needed to breathe and this close proximity deprived me of that privilege.

I stood up and pushed my hair away from my face. The tendrils are unruly across my back, my makeup is smeared from the night before, and my hands are hot and clammy. I am the walking definition of a mess, but I guess that didn't seem to bother Niall.

Niall was still seated in the cushioned kitchen chair, his hand pushed through his blonde tipped hair just as mine was minutes ago. He stared at me through the eyelashes framing his bright eyes.

I opened the front door to relieve the tension I felt. The crisp air fawned my face as I took a deep breathe. Upon taking in the outdoor surroundings, I realized there was a box placed on the 'welcome' mat before the door.

Who would've sent me a package?

I picked it up from the snow covered floor. It was heavy for a package, maybe ten pounds. Niall rose to his feet in question as I carried it to the kitchen table and set it down. He helped me rip the duct tape from the top as we glanced at each other, our silent inquiries mutual.

I didn't know what to expect as I finally tore open the top cardboard layer. Inside was a large amount of packing peanuts. As my hands roamed deeper within the foam, I realized some of them were stained with a red color. White on red was dismissed as marker, or maybe a paint set similar to the one Roslyn played with. Niall didn't seem to notice my newfound observation.

Continuing into the package, my hands froze on something solid. It was hard, impenetrable. It felt stringy at the top, yet slimy at the same time. Pulling on it hard, I fell to the ground in shock as the object pulled away from the foam cover was revealed to be my mothers head detached from her body.

My own head hit the ground and again, I found myself unable to breathe. A visit from one parent was heart-rending enough, now I found the second dead on my doorstep.

I felt as though my rib-cage was caving into my heart as my body convulsed. I was no longer in control of it and the pain that resided within my body. Niall was reaching for me as soon as I hit the ground, whispering reassuring words in my ear, his expression looking as though he has seen situations such as this a thousand times.

The last thing I remembered was my mom's lifeless green eyes expanding the darkness within my mind, and then there was nothing. 

oooooo things are heating up. also please remember to vote and comment, it would mean a lot to me :) - H