What

Finding Trump

I scream, the blood surging out of my body, the adrenaline storming through my veins, trying to calm me down.

¨I'm gonna cut you, limb by limb, and you're gonna bleed out, slowly but surely, and I know that-¨

¨Shut up, dad, I'm trying to slide down the slide!¨

¨But, I cut your middle finger off! What the he-

¨Oh yeah, I forgot.¨

¨Well, timmy, I'm tired now, so I'll just fall asleep right here-¨

Just then, I flew away into a fairy princess kingdom, surrounded by gumdrops and laptops. Hey, that rhymes!

¨Oh hi! Would you like to try Mama's new hot and spicy bagels?¨

¨Not right now, Butterface. I'm trying to turn into a starfish.¨

I lie on the ground, and I spread all of my fingers out.

I turn into a virus. The human kidney is very pretty. After all, I am an expert in giant sacks that keep people alive. The kidney is a cutie, though. I walk up to it confidently.

¨Hey, cutie. Want me to invade your white blood cells, and turn them into me?¨

¨Quiet!¨ said the Kidney, ¨I'm trying to eat my cocoa puffs (bunny pellets)." All of a sudden, Donald Trump walks up to me. "I AM THE SATAN LEADER. THE STRONG WILL BE MADE WEAK, AND DONALD TRUMP WILL RULE ALL OF THE MEXICANS!" "¡Oh no! Soy un mexicano. Oh bien. Aquí hay un taco." I shoot back. All of a sudden, Donald Trump seizes me and replies, "Thanks for the taco, but I still hate you." I scream as loudly as I can, and Donald's cells begin to disseminate into my body, and I regress to how I was as a child, crying as I tried to slide down a slide after my dad had cut my middle finger off.

The world is spinning all around me, and I'm a comedian singing a song about corporate pop stars. "I love my baby and I know I couldn't live without her. But I have to make every girl think this song's about her, just to make sure they spread it like the plague, so I describe my dream girl as really really vague like,

I love your hands 'cause your fingerprints are like no other,

I love your eyes and their blueish brownish greenish color,

I love it that when you smile that you smile wide,

and your torso has an arm on either side now,

if you're my agent you might be thinking oh, no, sound the alarm. You won't appeal to little girls who don't have arms, but they can't use iTunes so, FLUBBER 'EM WHO NEEDS 'EM!

I return back near the kidney, with Donald Trump trying to invade my Hilary-licious body, turning me into one of him, relinquishing my right to be myself. I know there's only one thing that I can do.

"Mexican!" "Mexican!" "Mexican!" "Mexican!" "Mexican!" I scream at the top of my lungs, my last burst of raw energy, and I'm

falling

falling

falling

into space.

I am a glowing yellow orb, all of eternal life, stored into me. Instead of just one finger being missing, my middle finger, I am fingerless, soaring like a wild gazelle in the African serengeti. I spread my invisible, metaphoric wings and know that I am the symbol of all life. What can I do with all of this power, every single bit of knowledge that is to know in this universe?

I disguise myself as a soon-to-be 13-year old boy, and do my best to fit in in average society. I create an alias to help disguise myself even further, to show-

"Hey Ari!"

I get up from typing my One Shade of Gray feminazi speech and turn to face my friend, Max.

"Hey Max, how about those presidential polls. The weather is nice, isn't it?" I ask, trying to sound gregarious.

"Apparently, Donald Trump is winning the election."

I suit up, sprinting out of the room. I know what I must do, to start on my next adventure. I am the most scrupulous person. In the world. I am a hero.

Donald Trump is going down.

I am soaring in the night sky, and my wild instincts that I learned at the zoo take over me. I crash and poke my head in the ground. I am an ostrich. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" I shriek, and lift myself back into the sky, arriving at Donald Trump's hidden, invisible, kidney-shaped mansion that only he and I can see. The final battle will begin shortly.