darling you'll be okay

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Kayla," my mom nudges my door open.  

I am slumped on the floor, sitting in a position which could damage my spine but I couldn't really give a shit. "What?" 

She leans on the door handle, "What's wrong?" 

"Nothing. Why?" 

"Honey, you locked every single window in the house, you pulled out all the telephone plugs and you haven't showered or left your room. I'm worried." 

"Mom," I hoist myself up and use my arms for support, "there's nothing to worry about. I just. I'm just going through a rough patch." 

"We can always talk?" 

"I don't need to talk about it, I need. I need closure on the situation, you know?" 

"Yeah, I get it." 

"Mind leaving now, Mom?" 

She gets up and walks out of the room, as usual; she doesn't close the door on her way. I roll on to my stomach and flip my laptop open. I've got 145 messages and I'm pretty sure they are all from Vic. I convinced myself that Jaime was pretty mad at me and wanted nothing to do with me. Just then, I hear the doorbell ring. "I'll get it," my mom hollers. The door swings open, "well, hello, Tony.... Of course, yes.. yes, yes she's upstairs." 

Footsteps shuffle up the stairs then at my doorway, I see, Tony with his beanie and a grey hoodie. "Hey, Kay." 

I look up at him, roll on my back and put a pillow over my head, "Hnng Tnnuuyy (I mean Hey Tony)." 

He sat next to me and took the pillow off, "So? How's?" 

"Bad? I don't know." 

"Haven't heard from Jaime?" 

"I've been ignoring and blocking everyone out." 

"Why?" 

"Because." 

"Jaime hasn't been showing up for practice." 

"Yeah well, I wouldn't know." 

"Vic tried going over there. We all did but he never answers." 

"Where are you getting at, Tony?" 

Tony looks at me and then at his shoes, "Look, Kayla. Whatever you did with Vic or Jaime or whoever just, you can't be selfish about it okay? We have a gig tomorrow. We. Need. Him. There." 

"What can I do?!" 

"Go over there and, and, just. Just talk it over with him okay?" 

I don't know how Tony got me to get cleaned up and drag my sorry ass to Jaime's but I did. Tony drove me. When we reached and I was about to close the door behind me, he leans over, "I'm not coming back to pick you up until we've got out bassist back, Kayla. I'm doing this for ALL of us." I roll my eyes and slam the door. I turn and take a big breath as I walk up to Jaime's driveway.  

I stand in front of the door, my finger hovering above the door bell, for a good 5 minutes. Then I ring it. No answer. I ring it again. Still no answer. I back up from the door until I have a good view of the upstairs windows. I walk to the left side of the house where Jaime's window is. The curtains are closed so I know he's in. I pick up a couple of stones and I hurl them at his window. Ping, ping, they hit the glass and after a few hits, I see Jaime's silhouette. He hesitates before opening the window. "What do you want?" he asks, he sounds tired. I look around and then back at me, "let me in?" 

I am on his bed now, he's in a chair at his desk. I finger the seams of my jeans. We both sit in silence. He doesn't even look at me.  

"I'm.. I'm. I'm sorry," I say very softly. 

He looks up at me, "yeah." 

"I am, Jaime. I am. I didn't mean to keep it from you." 

"But you did and I looked like a fucking idiot." 

I bite my lip, "I'm sorry." 

"God, Kayla," he gets up and walks to me, "I love you. Loved... love? I don't know. I mean, I think I still do." 

"That's why you let me in?" 

He sits next to me and lies on the bed, "I didn't want to believe Vic. I thought it was all a joke. I didn't go to practice, just dropped Vic off. I called you hours later but, you probably had disconnected all the phones in the house." 

"Yeah, um, yeah. I did.... after Vic told me." 

"I figured," he sighs, "I didn't know what to do. I didn't know whether to believe it was real or not. I just, I couldn't believe you would do that." 

"I didn't either." 

Jaime looks at me, "I can't do this, Kayla. You kissed Vic, you fucking made out with him, dammit. You could've stopped if you wanted to. But you didn't." 

I look at my hands and nod. 

"You didn't want to." 

"Part of me did. I started caring about you, I really did, Jaime." 

"It wasn't enough to stop." 

"It could have." 

"I think I just need some time apart from you, from the band, from everything." 

"What do you mean?" 

He gets up and reaches under the bed. He pulls out a luggage, "I'm going to Hawaii with my parents for 2 weeks. Tonight. Just, just to get my head together. I need alone time; Hime-time." 

I furrow my eyebrows, "What about the band? What about the gig? They are all counting on you." 

"Well, then," he looks at me, "tell them I'm sorry for letting them down." 

I walk over to Jaime, "Jaime, please." I lean in and kiss him, he doesn't kiss back. I try again, "Jaime, please, I'm sorry." 

He gets a hold of my shoulders and pulls me away from him, "I know. I just need time." I look at my shoes. "Look, I'll drive you home," he says. 

It's an dull drive back and he doesn't even look at me when we reach. I feel like I've crushed my heart into tiny grains of sand. He could make me feel like I was on the highest peak of the world, but at that moment, he made me feel empty and lowly. I call Tony and tell him everything, hanging up before he had a chance to answer back. I cried to sleep.