darling you'll be okay

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"This is Southern Constellations," Vic whispers, huskily into the mic. She's sitting in my seat, my bean bag, my. fucking. seat. I curl up at the far back corner of the room and concentrate on my sketches for the next poster. I start with a silhouette of Tony standing defiantly with his guitar. I hear footsteps approaching and try to block it out when the next thing I knew, Shirley was cozying up right next to me.  

"Hey," she says in her girly schmirly voice. 

"Yeah." 

"Yeah, I'm Shirley." 

"I know." 

"Vic talks a lot about you. Kayla right?" 

"Yeap." 

"You do all the promo artwork and posters and stuff?" 

"Yeap." 

"That's really cool." 

"Mmhmm." 

"So um, yeah. I heard you're going out with Jaime?" 

"Yeah." 

"Yeah. Yeah so we should definitely chill some time, you know, since we're going to be spending a lot of time here in this basement." 

"Yeah." 

"Yeah, great." 

I try not to make eye contact and concentrate on the details of Tony's piercings and tattoos. Shirley, finally having discovered how pointless it was to direct my attention away, gets up and sits back in the beanbag (my beanbag).  

Once I feel the coast was clear, I look up at the band. Jaime's face dedicated to the bass, his fingers locked firm on the chords. Tony in his own zone, his locks flailing everywhere, eyes closed. Mike having the time of his life behind the drum set and Vic on the guitar and working the mic. Vic barely has his eyes open when he sings during practice, just to look up at the ceiling or when he ends the song. His eyebrows portrays his expressions instead. They furrow towards his forehead when he gets closer to the aggressive bridge of the song and droop lower as he ends the verse. It's like I could predict the background of the song, maybe even the lyrics just by examining his face. I realize I've been staring at him for too long and snap back to my sketchbook.  

After they've practiced Southern Constellations seven times consecutively, Vic calls it a day and everybody starts to pack up their stuff. Tony's phone almost immediately rings. "Probably Girlfriend Number 2, she's super fucking clingy," Mike whispers. I raise my eyebrow, "Is she the one you guys are playing the gig for?" Mike nods back. Shirley and Mike start raveling up the cords and wires and moving the drum kit. Vic walks over to me, "Hey, Kayla. So, we're still on for tonight?" I look up at him. His eyes, stare hopefully into mine. I look at Jaime who's gathering his things. "Mmmaybe, if Jaime isn't sticking around," I mutter. "Oh," Vic's eyebrows drop, "okay, well I'll text before I come around then." I nod. I feel Jaime's arms wrap around my waist. He kisses me on the cheek then grabs his bass case, "Let's go. Great practice, Vic." Jaime makes his way to the stairs and I hang on to the sleeve of his sweater. I look back just in time to see Vic scratching the back of his head with an expression I've never seen before. But then I see Shirley swing in front of him and plant a kiss on his lips, I look away.  

Jaime takes me back to his place for a while and we go to his room. We kiss, a lot. I don't know whether this is normal. Is it? I mean I really don't know. I like it, I guess, yes, Jaime stops and kisses me on the forehead. We lie on his bed and I trace out circles on his neck. He looks at me, "I really fucking love you." I smile and kiss him. His hand, behind my back, pulls me closer. I put my head on his shoulder. "Kayla, can I.. can I ask you something?" he says. I nod. "I mean you don't have to...." 

I sit up, "You can ask me anything." 

"Okay, but just. It's just, I need to know," he looks to the ceiling. "Have you ever had feelings for Vic?" 

I'm a little taken aback. "Why do you ask?" 

"Just a gut feeling, I don't know but you guys are really close." 

"Well," I look at my hands. "No, I don't and I have never had any." I almost immediately regret saying this and feel sick. 

Jaime looks back at me then leans in and kisses me. I kiss him back and my hands lock around his neck and shoulders. He pulls me down on the bed and I laugh. I look at him and he looks back at me. "I love you." 

We fool around a bit more, then we go to the car and fool around a bit more there too before he sends me back home. I blow him a kiss at the door and he catches it. When I open the door, I see Vic at the kitchen counter. He looks up, "Hey." I wave back.  

"Thought you were going to text me?" 

"Yeah, couldn't. Had a really long conversation with Shirley." 

"Yeah?" I ask, opening the fridge door and helping myself to the rest of the apple juice. "What about?" 

"It wasn't working." 

"You guys? You guys, broke up or?" YES, HAH, TAKE THAT SHIRLEY. Looks like you're not going to spend any "more" time in Tony's basement. 

"Yeah." 

"Wow," I stare at the counter (mildly jumping inside) , "how come?" 

Vic sits with his head in his hands. "Distance, obstacles. And I guess.... because I think, I think there's someone else." 

"Someone else?" 

"Yeah." 

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean, I mean...." 

I look at him, peculiarly.  

"I mean," he looks at me, "I mean that, I think I like somebody. Somebody else who isn't Shirley." 

"Woah, man." 

"Yeah. So there was no point in keeping the relationship if I can't dedicate myself to her." 

I shrug my shoulders, "Maybe it's just a phase?" 

"No, no. I think. I think I've liked her for a really long time, the person," he says looking at the ceiling. "I just haven't accepted it." 

I close the lid of the carton. "Well, um. You could at least tell me who the fuck you're talking about?" 

"I don't know, I haven't really told anyone. Not even Shirley or Mike or anyone." 

"Well, come on. We don't keep things, Vic. I'm your best friend," I hoist myself on the counter. "You can tell me." 

Vic looks at me. I raise my eyebrow and all of sudden he leans in and kisses me. He cups his hands on my face. I want to push him away. I can feel my hands urge to shove his chest but they don't move. We kiss again and again and Vic puts his hands underneath my shirt. They travel on my spine and I feel him push closer to me. I run my fingers maniacally in his hair. We don't stop until the house phone rings. "Don't answer it," Vic says in between kisses. I find the strength to push him away from me and reach over the counter for the phone. "Wait," I mouth. "Hello?"  

My mom is on the other line, "Hey, sweetie. I'll be back home at 6 and I'll get dinner."  

"Yeah sure." 

"Is Vic staying over?" 

"Um, yeah. Yeah, I guess so." 

"Okay, see you then." 

I hang up the phone and almost immediately Vic starts kissing me again. "Wait, wait wait," I say.  

I look down at my hands, "Why now, Vic?" 

Vic puts his hands at his sides and looks out at living room and then at me, "I don't know. I don't know." 

"Why?" 

"Maybe. Maybe," he looks at me, "maybe it's because I haven't seen you alone or with anyone other than me and I feel uncomfortable. You, with. Jaime and. You looked happy and I didn't want to tell you but, I just had to. I couldn't control myself. And I don't know but it feels wrong when you're not. When we're not. Us."  

I pull Vic back and we kiss again.