Heartache

Prologue: I Love You

"Michael!"

"MICHAEL!"

"I swear to Buddha if you die on me now, I will kill you myself!"

He looked at me with a slight grin on his face as the doctors rushed him to the ER room all the way across the building. I was trying to keep up with them yet they were too fast. He looked up at me as tears fell down his face and smiled.

"I'd be dead by then, Blue," he laughed choking on his own tears.

"Yeah, well then you'd be twice as dead when I do. Michael? Michael!" I cried out feeling angry... just so angry yet at the same time just wanting to burst into tears right then and there on the spot with so many people around. He was falling in and out of consciousness and that to me was a horrible sign. In the back of my mind I was praying to whatever was in the heavens to not let him die. Let it be Buddha or whatever... I just wanted him to live.

I couldn't live without him.

I couldn't... I needed him to stay... He needed to stay... He promised.

"I'm fine Blue."

"No you're not, dumbass!" I shouted so angry. Why did he have to be so stupid sometimes? Why? WHY?!

I felt the tears running down my face and I tried to suck them up but it was too late because he saw them. I continued to keep up my pace with the doctors and Michael almost to the ER room. I was wishing so hard he didn't die. He couldn't die because he promised to stay... with me... forever. Pinky swear and all that - he promised.

"Stop crying Blue. I'll be alright... I promise..." he said falling out of consciousness then back in.

"DON'T MAKE PROMISES YOU CAN'T KEEP ASSHOLE! YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T DO IT ANYMORE YET YOU DID!"

I made him cry and turn away from me so I wouldn't see it. I was just so pissed... I couldn't even handle my own emotions. Is this what it felt like to lose someone over something stupid? Is it? Because if it is, I don't wanna to deal with it... Its just too much to bear.

"Look if you're not going to help keep him alive then go somewhere else because you're not being useful," one of the doctors said as we finally reached the ER room.

The doctors stopped in front of the room and looked at both of us then took a few steps back so we could have our moment together... Probably the last one.

"I'm sorry Blue. And you know that I love you a lot," Michael reassured me with a forceful smile on his face.

"I hate you too..."

"You'll never learn how to say I love you... That's okay because I love you more."

"Please... You can't leave me..."

"I'm not. I will survive just for you, love."

I smiled and he did too. I bent down and gave him a kiss on the forehead forcing my tears to be held back as I did. I couldn't bear it. It was just all too much. I stood upright, smiled once more and nodded to the doctors to take him away. As I watched them, take him inside, I took the smile off my face and cried. Not because I was going to lose him... But he was going to lose me... Forever.

We both created too many mistakes we can never take back. His mistakes have torn me apart to a point where I have thought about leaving. And that time is now... If he survives, I hope he knows that I love him, and that I will never stop loving him. I hope he knows I want him to live a healthy and free life. And I hope he knows that I will always be forever in his heart...

I wiped my tears and walked away.

Last words?

...I love you too