The Shadow Walker

55. Truly Lost

"...boats?" I finally managed, blinking against gritty residue in my eyes.

"Yes," he replied, tugging me along behind him. "We'll be following the Anduin for a couple of days; it'll be faster than walking." We burst into my tent, and Legolas began handing me things. My satchel, and the supply pack gifted to us by the Elves. Then he placed his hand on my back and gently pushed me out of the tent ahead of him.

"Wait," I mumbled, "I need to change." I was still wearing yesterday's dress.

"No time," Legolas replied, still nudging me along. "Your clothes are packed, correct?"

"Yes, but-"

"Eda, they're leaving. We have to go."

I was too tired to argue further, or do anything but clutch my supplies and let Legolas guide me to the rest of the Fellowship. They were gathered at the edge of the Anduin, along with Lady Galadriel and a few other Elves. The rascals were holding matching belts and chatting excitedly, while Samwise examined a coil of silvery rope. Frodo quietly gazed at something in his hand. Elleths were drawing capes around the shoulders of all the Fellowship.

Galadriel stood in front of Gimli, smiling down at him while he blushed at his feet. "My people hardly knew how to gift a Dwarf," she said, her tone frank, but not belittling. "What might I give you to aid in the days to come?"

Gimli blushed an even deeper red, muttering something under his breath that I couldn't make out. Legolas snickered.

Her smile broadening, Galadriel reached to her scalp and carefully tugged out three hairs by the roots. Then she gracefully presented them to Gimli.

With trembling hands, he reached up and accepted her gift. "Th-thank ye, most gracious Lady."

Biting back laughter, Galadriel moved to Legolas and me. She motioned for her handmaids to bring forward our gifts, and the Lady took the first one, presenting it to Legolas. "To you, Legolas Thranduilion, I give you a bow and swords of the Galadhrim. May they protect you well, and those whom you love."

Legolas's eyes widened as he took the weapons, running his fingers over the intricate carvings in the bow.

"And to you," Galadriel said, turning to me. "Amariel." She presented a pair of sheathed swords on a belt. "I give you your weapon of choice, for dark are the days ahead."

I took the swords, a fresh strength seeping into my muscles as I drew one from its sheath and examined it. The blade was beautiful, with Elvish lettering etched into the metal. In size and feel, they were remarkably like my old swords. But these were Elvish weapons-much lighter, and much more dangerous. "Thank you," I breathed.

Galadriel looked at Legolas for a silent moment, then he nodded and walked toward Aragorn. Galadriel turned back to me. "My maids informed me that your knife and the Foragar were returned to you. My intention was to return them this morning, but it seems Legolas anticipated me." She gave a wry smile.

I nodded, unsure what to say.

Galadriel laid a gentle hand on my shoulder and guided me to the boats, where Aragorn was deciding who would ride in which boat. "Legolas and Boromir, you two and I will each be rowing a boat. Frodo and Sam will come with me..."

"I have one more gift for you," Galadriel said quietly. I looked up at her curiously. She pulled out a small silver box and pressed it into my palm. "A small supply of Etholas," she said, answering my unspoken question. "In case of injury."

My gaze dropped to the carved silver box. "Thank you," I said. Whose life was Galadriel saving by sending this with me? Illùvatar knew foreseers never just did things.

A smile played on Galadriel's lips. "Using our blessed Eru Illùvatar's name for ill is a habit developed since last you visited my woods."

I shrugged. "Sorry."

"Apologize not to me, Amariel, but to Him."

Frowning, I directed my thoughts upward. "Erm...sorry, Eru."

"No, I think not," Legolas interrupted Aragorn, diverting my attention. "Merry and Pippin should ride with Boromir. I...should like to speak with Gimli about...the mining of Mithril."

Gimli's eyes lit up, and he patted Legolas on the elbow. "Aye, we'll make a fine conversation of it, too, laddie."

Lady Galadriel laughed in our minds. "The prince is eager to keep you near."

My heart, which had been so well behaved up to this point, gave a sharp throb, and I closed my eyes.

Galadriel laid a hand on my shoulder, and her sympathetic gaze said she'd sensed my pain.

"Why do you lock away your heart, refusing to acknowledge your feelings?"

"Because I have had feelings before." I looked away. "I have entertained many men, but never fairly. Legolas doesn't deserve that."

"You care for him, then."

I hesitated, then reluctantly nodded. It seemed harmless enough to make that single concession.

"Indeed," Galadriel added, "you love him."

Love. That four-letter word I'd banned from my vocabulary.

"I don't know how to stop myself," I admitted weakly.

Galadriel gave an understanding nod. "You are correct to control your whims. But do not give up hope for the future."

"Is there any hope?" I pleaded.

She smiled, both happiness and sadness in her eyes. "There is always hope, Amariel." Leaning down, she kissed the top of my head. "Go," she said aloud. "Sit with Legolas. And do not forget my words."

"Thank you," I repeated, smiling sadly.

"Eda?" Aragorn called, motioning me toward the boats. "You are to ride with Legolas and Gimli."

I nodded my acknowledgement, then to Galadriel I said, "I never really had a mother, except for Granny Dìs-but if I had, I hope she would've been like you. Farewell, Lady Galadriel."

She smiled, in a different way than all those times before. There was a deep fondness in her expression this time. "Farewell, Amariel, daughter of the earth. May your heart learn to love, and remember to trust."

I nodded, then turned and walked to the boats. Legolas was waiting for me, and offered his hand to help me in. Since I wasn't at all comfortable with boats, I accepted his help.

I was the last member of the Fellowship to settle into my place, which was right in the middle of the boat, between Legolas in the back and Gimli in the front. Legolas took a paddle from the bottom of the boat and began rowing.

As we floated away, I glanced back at Galadriel. She lifted her hand in a silent farewell.

"Remember," she whispered in my mind. "Some things must first be broken before they can become whole. You must first sacrifice everything before gaining your deepest desire. Amariel-you must first become wholy lost before you can be truly found."