How It's Going To Be [h.s.]

Chapter 39

The camera panned to fog machines that were creating billowy puffs of fog. One by one, the boys walked through the mist with microphones in hand and notes already ringing out. Louis, Liam, Niall, Harry. Each strutted onto the center of the stage and the crowd erupted.

"They look good," Ruby smiled happily. "They look really good."

"Social media is lighting up!" Alessandra was staring at her phone. "This is going to be massive."

I could hear Natalia whisper hurriedly to Jill and Tory about Niall. I remember her paying special attention to him at the club weeks ago. While they giggled about the faces he was making or ogling over the notes he was reaching, my eyes were on someone entirely different.

I watched Harry intently throughout the entire concert. He wore all black. He nearly tripped over the microphone stand. He spit water into the air in a wild spray. He danced shamelessly. He made inappropriate gestures. He didn't sing the words "you weigh." He frowned when he sang the words "I'm in love with you." He told jokes. He emptied his water bottle on fans just below the stage. He winced when fireworks went off. He wished some people a happy birthday. He changed notes in songs. He changed lyrics. He danced with Niall. By the end of the concert, he had gathered his hair in a bun. He thanked everyone for coming. He blew kisses and waved before exiting stage. He sang his heart out.

He had looked effortless and happy. I realized this was the most at ease I had seen him. My heart broke a little. He could be more comfortable in stage in front of tens of thousands of people than he had been with me the last few months.

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I staggered back into my flat in the early hours of the morning. Ruby instructed me to come into the office midmorning and to get plenty of sleep. I kicked my shoes off at the door and took a bottle of water from the refrigerator.

As I stood in the dark kitchen alone, Harry's words played over in my mind. "Thank you for coming out and supporting us tonight. We love you all so much. We've been One Direction. Thank you. Get home safely," he'd said.

The first concert was over. One down, too many to go. But with each end to a concert, the closer to seeing Harry I was. I let that thought provide some solace to my aching heart.

I walked up the stairs to my room and stared at the bed. I could recall countless times when I had come home after a long day of work and been thrilled to find an empty bed all for me. I had been free to take up as much space as I pleased with arms and legs stretched in every direction. But that was before Harry.

As I crawled into bed and felt the cold sheets surround me, I didn't feel the same way. I longed to be pulled tightly against someone. I even longed to feel a little too hot between Harry's body heat and the duvet wrapped around us. I wouldn't have minded his quiet snores or his strong grip.

The darkness swallowed the room and I kept a hold on my phone. Every few minutes, I would double check that my volume was turned on and I hadn't accidentally missed a call from Harry. He had promised to call. The concert had been over for nearly two hours now. I even checked the world clock in my phone to make sure I was converting time zones properly in my head. I stayed awake for hours waiting for a phone call from Harry that never came.

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Sleep was shallow and inconsistent since Harry left. It was hard to get used to sleeping alone. Having him in bed with me wasn't just about someone's arm draped over me in the night. Harry was there when I had memories return to me in the form of dreams. If I got a headache, he was there to soothe the pain. I missed being able to rely on someone fully.