Chapter Thirteen

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David was being released from the hospital today. He was also going to move in with his new family that didn't live very far from us. I'm so happy just seeing the smile on his face as he looks at his new mom and dad. It's weird how he has this affect on me. His feelings are more important than mine. I want to make sure he's happy above all else. Now he is and I can be happy too.

Dan and Phil came out of the closet to me. Literally, they came of a closet and then kissed in front of me. We have to redecorate Phil's room now since it's becoming the office.

"Phillllllllllllllllll," I said, stretching the "l".
"Whattttttttttttt?" He replied back.
"I wanna see David," I said, sitting up from my position on the couch. Phil and I were sitting on the couch in the lounge waiting for Dan to get back. He went out to get some popcorn and candy so we could watch movies on Netflix.
"You know what the doctor said: he has to rest for a week. You can hang out with him next week I promise." At that I jumped up and hugged him. Phil saying I could see him soon, but he never promised. So, of course I was happy.

"IM HOME MOTHER FUCKERS!" Dan shouted, entering the flat. Phil shook his head at his weird boyfriend and went to go help him.
I turned on the TV and went to Netflix. There was almost nothing we hadn't already watched. One thing did interest me though. It was a collection of Disney shorts. I selected it just as Dan and Phil entered the room.

"What are we starting with today?" Dan asked as he sat down next to me.
"Disney Shorts!" I said, excited about them. I hadn't seen any of them yet so I was excited.

About halfway through, one came on called The Matchstick Girl. As we watched, it seemed to get sadder and sadder. By the end, we started to smile. We thought she was still alive and finally found her grandma so she could be happy. Then, she was dead. The tears came pouring out of our eyes like a river.
"Why did she die?!" Dan shouted through the tears.
"Society was fucked up!" Phil shouts.

Memories of David flooded into my mind and I had no idea why. He wasn't like that, he was just extremely suicidal. But all that came to mind was when David tried to kill himself. The voices started screaming in my head again.
'Hahaha! He wanted to kill himself because of you bitch!' One shouted.
'He's so miserable with you! You should kill yourself to rid him of his fucking misery!' The other shouted.
"SHUT UP!" I screamed out loud. Dan and Phil both gave me worried looks.
"Hun, are you okay?" Phil asked while looking me in the eyes.
"Y-yeah. Sorry go back to the movie. I need to use the bathroom," I said, walking away.

I looked all over my room for it: the manual pencil sharpener. When I finally found it, I grabbed my screwdriver.
'You deserve it, bitch!' One shouted.
'Maybe you should cut through your veins...'
'Amazing idea!' The first voice exclaimed. 'Finally, you'd be dead! Ridding Dan and Phil and David of their burden: you!'

Without thinking, I cut all up and down my arms. Blood formed in the new wounds, and I broke my one month streak of being clean. I wanted to keep going, but Dan and Phil would start worrying. So, I grabbed the gauze and medical tape and a box of tissues on my nightstand to clean up the mess. As soon as the blood stopped, I wrapped my arms. I hid the bloody tissues at the bottom of my trash can and put everything back.

Next, I found a jumper, most likely Dan's, and threw it on to cover up my bandaged arms. My arms burned every time I moved them, but I wouldn't let the pain show. I walked out back towards the lounge to join my dads again.

"What happened?" Dan asked, sounding worried.
"Oh-um-I just didn't feel good." I lied easily.
Okay....." Dan said, not really buying it.

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That night, I woke up due to a nightmare. I forgot what it was about, but it scared the shit out of me. I walked over to Dan and Phil's room and knocked on the door to make sure they weren't having sex.
"Hm? Come in," Phil's tired voice said from the other side.
"I couldn't sleep. Can I sleep with you guys?" I asked timidly. There was enough room in the bed, considering they just bought a new bed to fit the two of them comfortably.
"Yeah. Come here, my princess." Phil said, patting the middle between him and Dan. I hopped in bed and immediately regretted it as I felt the pain in my arms from the cuts.
"Owwww!" I hissed as quietly as possible.
"You okay?" Phil whispered.
"Yea. I-uh-hit my leg on the frame as I got up." I lied again.
"Okay, get some sleep. I love you." Phil said.
"I love you, Amanda." I heard Dan's sleepy voice say.
"I love you guys too." And with that, I fell asleep.

Morning came and my arms hurt even worse than last night. The room was bright, and Phil was on his laptop while Dan and I still slept.
"Morning, princess. How'd you sleep?" Phil asked.
"Pretty good." I replied.
"That's go- OH MY GOD, YOUR ARMS!" Phil shouted. I looked down and saw the bandages red with blood. I must've opened the cuts while I slept.
"What's wron-HOLY SHIT AMANDA! WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR ARMS?!" Dan shouted. He looked angry. To avoid getting hit by either of them, I ran. I ran out of their room and into the bathroom to hide.

'They hate you now. They're gonna return you to the orphanage!' Delilah said. I gave the voices names since they talk to me so much.
'They hate you, I know it. Hahahahaha!' Jack laughed.
'Kill yourself! Come on! It'll be easy!' Delilah shouted.
"NO!" I shouted. I pulled at my hair, feeling like I was going to go insane.
'Just do it, you worthless bitch!' Jack yelled at me.

"AMANDA! OPEN THE DOOR! PLEASE AMANDA!" Dan shouted.
"NO! I WANT TO DIE!" I yelled back.
"AMANDA! YOU ARE AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL AND WONDERFUL! PLEASE DONT DO THIS!" Phil shouted. Suddenly, there was a repetitive banging on the door, as if someone was trying to break down the door.

I looked under the sink and grabbed the first bottle of pills I saw. I opened it with easy and poured a few into my hand. As soon as I popped them in my mouth, the door busted open.
"Stop it!" Dan shouted.

A/N: HOLY SHIT THIS IS REALLY LONG. Okay, so, I'm done with everything rn. I just wanna see my bf now. Ugh FML.
~Bri

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