It is morning now, and I am waiting on Brooklyn. She was supposed to be back from her CAT scan an hour ago.Today is our day; we are going to visit the young cancer patients. We have candy apples, and we have plain old everyday candy. Some of the children are unable to eat candy for nutrition or health reasons. We have treats for them too; micro-puzzles and DIY crafts are a favorite. We plan to spend the first half of our day with them, and then we have to have our time. We both need time to ourselves to do the things that as individuals we must do. Perhaps sit outside enjoying the breeze and sunshine, or going to the music room to listen to Vivaldi or Mozart, if you like that type of music. Just two hours of escaping our perturbed reality, and being able to possess anact of normality. Oh! We are also dressing up in costumes that her mother purchased for us. I am Minnie Mouse, and she is Mickey. I sure do hope that today is a great day, and we make the children laugh at our humorous apparel.
Dear diary,
Today went alright I suppose. I had to do the rounds on my own. Brooklyn didn't want to leave her mother.She stayed in the visitors lounge all day. I guess her scan went bad, or she may be mad at me. There was a sweet little girl named Donna ( she was like 5), and she was crying when I walked in. She was scared to get a few injections that her doctor ordered that she get. I knew that it was almost time for me to get my afternoon medicine. The afternoons include three shots, so I had a plan to help her. I quietly asked a nurse if I could get my shots while Donna was given hers, and the nurse agreed quietly. I went back in Donna's room, and told her this:
"I know you don't like shots because they hurt, and that is okay. I don't like them much either, but we both need them. It is time for me to get my shots too, so if you would like we can either get them together or I can go first. "
It ended up that she wanted me to lay beside her in the bed, and us get them together. I agreed and she then grabbed me hand and told me not to let go. It was so sad, and I wanted to cry for her. Her nurse began cleaning her tummy and my nurse began cleaning mine. She wanted to fight, but I told her to stay still and it would hurt less. After the painful injections we both played Barbies, and ate lunch. I told her I had to go, and I promised her that I would be back tomorrow.
Dylan also wrote me a letter...here is an excerpt from it.
Hey baby-girl,
I know you miss me, but not as much as I miss you. I can't wait until I can hold you in my arms and show you what love feels like. I can't wait until you can squeeze my hand through the pain, and I can wipe away your tears. Baby, I really do love you. I can't wait until the day I can call you my wife. Soon, we'll be together and we'll be unstoppable...I hope you enjoy this letter. I just wanted to tell you that I might not be able to drive down there to see you during my fall break. I am so so sorry baby.
Dear diary...I sure hope I will get to see him before I die. I know that I am not supposed to talk about dying, but I can't help it. I am so terrified every single day that I won't wake up. I noticed this note attached to my room door when I got back to my room.
"Dear Cancer, I'm breaking up with you. It's not me it's you. I need to move on with my life. Don't call or write, it's too painful. In , I never want to see you again. Thank you for showing me the beauty in life and importance of living it. You opened my eyes to how much the stupid shit doesn't matter, but relationships do.We even had some laughs along the way. But, seriously stay away. Love, Keiron"
