It is hard to believe that I have cancer. I am only sixteen, and I have my whole future ahead of me. I wanted to be a Pediatric Oncologist, and help the little children on the St. Jude's commercial. I never thought that I would be one of those kids, and be facing the hardest fight of my life. I will never forget the day I found out.
***Flash Back***
"Honey, I need to draw a bit more blood. I know you don't like needles, but this is absolutely necessary", the kind nurse said sweetly.
"Okay, but only if you promise it won't hurt', I said sadly.
I then zoned out, and began to think back to the all the little "ouchies" that I got as a little girl. I remember once when I wrecked my bicycle, and my mom had to clean up my wounded knee. I was crying, and begged her not to hurt me, She calmly replied to me, "I can't promise that it won't hurt, but I can promise that I will be as easy as possible."
"You are all done sweetie, would you like for me to get your mom and dad now?"
"Yes please, and something cold to drink please", I replied graciously.
***End Flashback***
My mom and dad brought me home that day, and I fell asleep right after we got home. The next day the hospital called and said we needed to get there right away. We went back, and a kind doctor came in. He told us that I have cancer and said that remission would be possible. He recommended that I have a port placed right away to preserve the veins in my arms. I was so terrified. Now, I'm having regular cycles. Here is today's schedule:
8:00am- Port access( only time during week)
8:30am-Heparin flush
9:00am- Start Clafen drip
That is part of today's schedule, and it excludes test and annoying things they sometimes do. I really enjoy spending time with Brooklyn (My chemo buddy). All of our appointments are scheduled to be the same day and time. We are able to spend time together while our "poison" rages through our bodies. The best part is that we are able to support each other. We know how each other feels and usually we are able to comfort each other when the pains hit. I truly believe the worst part is when one of us has a strong chemo session, and it leaves one of weak. The majority of the time we are roommates, and that means we laugh, cry, or puke together. My boyfriend Blake loves me, but he is never around to help me. The vast majority of his time is spent with essays. He is enrolled at Harvard Law School, so we never get to be together. The rare times we do get to spend time together we spend it cuddling and watching movies. He some how finds the time to mail me a letter every single day. He always includes a cute poem that makes me smile. This is today's letter:
Hey Baby-girl,
I love you so much, and I absolutely cannot wait until we are reunited. I know how much you enjoy cuddling on the couch to watch movies, and drinking hot chocolate by the fireplace. I know how much you enjoy me attempting to paint your nails and laughing when your nails turn out looking like something out of a horror movie. I love how strong you are, and how brave you are. Even through all of the chemo sessions and radiation, you still manage to keep a smile on your face. Here is a poem from me to you :) I love you!
Stormy Season
Hush hush, please don't cry. I know it's hard, but you have to try.
I know you're scared. Please know that I'm here and I truly care.
Long days and even longer nights. It's all worth it, please always fight.
