Spectrum (Frerard, Petekey)

28: it's the end and i am crying

"I'm not crying, by the way, my eyes are just sweating." Pete burst out of nowhere with the sudden need to make sure Mikey was certain of that.

Mikey raised his eyebrows a little, looking at Pete somewhat oddly, with concern, and with love. "It's okay, Pete, you can cry, I don't expect you not to."

"I'm not crying." Pete went on to insist, wiping his eyes a little, "it's hay fever-"

"Yes, with all the fucking nature in your bedroom, Pete," Mikey rolled his eyes at that, giving Pete's hand a little squeeze, "it's okay, honestly if you weren't at all affected by me moving to the other side of the country I'd be upset."

"Just don't want to cry, don't want to upset you." Pete let out a sigh, leaning into Mikey's side a little.

"You're not upsetting me." Mikey told him; his voice stern. "Go on, cry."

"So what? You want me to cry?" Pete exclaimed, laughing a little as he met Mikey's gaze.

"No, I'm just saying..." Mikey trailed off, "it's okay, whatever you wanna do, it's okay."

"So can I kiss you?" Pete grinned a little, leaving Mikey to nod and turn to face him as Pete pressed his lips against Mikey's, "I'm gonna miss you," he let out a sigh, pulling away.

"I'm gonna miss you more." Mikey leaned into Pete's side as he pulled away.

"No you're not." Pete shook his head, "but let's not get into a fucking argument about that."

"Yeah." Mikey nodded, entwining their fingers, "you have to text me literally every second."

"Fucking believe me - I will." Pete smiled a little, "I'm gonna text you so much that you'll be asking me to stop."

"That's never going to happen." Mikey told him, shaking his head. "I'm never going to get tired of you."

And yes, Mikey meant that; he meant that with all his heart in that moment, but that was only that moment amongst many in a life consisting of many years, and as much as he hated to even enlighten himself with such a possibility, he knew, even if just at the back of his mind, that he might not feel that way forever.

It was a harsh reality but a reality nonetheless, but not something he was under any obligation to think about it that moment as he sat on Pete Wentz's bedroom floor and gripped his hand tighter than he'd ever gripped anything before.

He gripped it like he feared Pete just slipping away from him, but the fact was that the fear was nothing more rational, except he was the one slipping away from Pete.

And he was sorry, but it honestly wasn't his fault.

And he was just glad that he could recognise that, because the last thing he needed now was unnecessary guilt, because it wasn't anyone's fault - it was just a bad situation, and he was trying to make the most of it, and he reckoned Pete understood that on some level at least; he knew for sure that Pete was understanding better than Frank was, which he was quietly thankful for, because as nice of a guy as Frank was, Gee just didn't need this shit right now - she was moving to the other side of the country, and Frank didn't seem to quite imagine that would affect anyone other than himself.

Mikey stopped himself, because he knew he shouldn't hate Frank, as honestly there were far worse people for Gee to date, and he was just thankful that Frank was decent, loved her, and really understand her, especially being trans too, and it was a relationship Gee was happy and safe in, and therefore, it was of course none of Mikey's business.

But he did wonder if they were really going to last, because he knew that Frank was impulsive, his demeanor volatile and even unreasonable, and he knew that Gee definitely did something to ground him, and help him make sense of himself and his emotions.