On your way, there is a cure. Especially with a heart like yours; so very pure.
I showed his letter to Brooklyn. This is her reaction:
"Awe!!! That is so sweet."
I calmly replied to her, "I know."
"Jae, you are so lucky to have a guy like him. He is sooooo sweet. Omg, remember the time you had to have your port accessed for the first time?!? You was trying to be brave, but we all knew you was terrified. He came in the room, and hugged you. Then he caressed your hand, and whispered in your ear. He said, "Baby please do not try to look at the needle or anything, just focus on me." You tried to be brave, but when you felt Miss Nancy touch you that was it. You freaked out, and tried to escape. He grabbed your arms and told you that he was sorry but it had to happen, and he wasn't going to let go. You yelled at him, and tried to kick him. Once the needle was inserted, you cried. He held you so tightly and you fell asleep." Brooklyn smiles as she tells Jaedyn her version of the memory.
" I remember that, it was the first day we met. You screamed in my face, and told me to stop being such a baby", I laughed at the memory.
"We absolutely hated each other at first, but then as time went on we warmed up to each other. I will never forget the first time that you had your NG tube inserted, Brooklyn."
When kids like us are on chemotherapy, or anyone for that matter, you get nausea. It makes you not want to eat out of fear you will throw up. When you begin to not eat, your body suffers. By not eating, you take away the nutrients your body needs to have strength. Your body needs strength to fight off the cancerous cells. So, a doctor orders a nurse to "tube you". The nurse(s) will insert a small tube into your nose and run it down to your stomach. Then, you can receive the necessary nutrients. The whole process is uncomfortable and some parts are painful. Many people try to fight the tube, but it only makes things worse.
"Jae, I need to go and spend some time with my mom now. I'll be back later."
I decided to write an entry in my journal before I napped:
Dear Diary,
After six and a half months filled with painful days, there is finally light at the end of the tunnel. I get to do something that I did so many years ago as a child with my parents. In just two short weeks it will be Halloween. Brooklyn doesn't know yet, but we are going to a pumpkin patch and she will get to pick out a pumpkin of her own. Her and I will have to wear a mask, but that doesn't mean we can't personalize them. Scary faces, and cool designs make wearing the mask a fun thing. We are able to change who we are temporarily while we wear them. The hospital staff is going to let us decorate our room, and carve pumpkins together. Then, we are going to have a mega-huge Halloween party with all of the other teens in our ward. Even us sick kids want to celebrate too. I can not wait to tell Brooklyn, but I can't tell her about it until her oncologist approves it, She has been getting sick a lot easier than I have, so the hospital is more weary of her leaving than they was for me. Also, she may not be feeling well enough because it will be during her most intense week of our chemotherapy cycle. We are both going to be feeling like crap, but we will manage some how I hope. At least I can handle it, i am not sure about Brooklyn though. I must close for now the night nurse is here, and brought me my medicine and a snack. The only thing I really eat any more is a small quantity of grapes a few times a day. Also, the nurse has to hang a new bag of saline on my stand. That is the sixth one today. I will be up peeing all night, but that is okay. My pee is orange because of the variation of chemicals in my string of chemotherapy. I find it quite odd at how they make us pee so much. The reason is to flush the chemotherapy out of our systems.
Later that night...
It is almost midnight now, and I am finally done with everything. We are on the eve of today being over, and I am slightly glad. It is hard to believe that I have been battling cancer for over half a year now. I used to be a normal girl, but then it all changed. A few odd bruises that was either deep bruising for a slight injury, or random bruising with no identifiable cause. I passed out at school one day, and my parents took me to the local hospital. There, nothing could be found so I was referred here. After extensive tests and countless pokes with needles, we was so close to having answer. They determined that I have cancer, but was not sure of what kind. I had to have a bone marrow biopsy, and it was determined that I have AML. The more specific type and degree is Megakaryoblastic Leukemia - M7. It is the worst of the worst really, but I have hope that God will fix everything. He has a plan for me and I trust that he does what is best for those around me. It may be best for them that he ends my battle and stops the pain, or he may want me to trust Him and keep fighting. My testimony could help so many people. I plan to fight as long as I have breath in my body. I realize that there will be bad days, but I as long as I have something to hold onto it will make it worthwhile.
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