Daughter of the Demon (I)

Daughter of the Demon-27-It Never Really Leaves

Chapter 27: It Never Really Leaves

~Jemma~

So depression never really leaves. If you have a good distraction, you can momentarily forget about it.

But it never really leaves.

The next morning I felt as empty and devoid of feeling as usual. Last night with Jacob felt like a faraway dream, a wishful fantasy. Had it really happened? It was hard to believe it did, but a part of me stayed faithful.

I remembered how good I felt in Jacob’s arms, how safe and out-of-the-way I felt. It was amazing. I needed to feel that way again. I couldn’t handle this alone.

This realization was the only reason I had a sort of spring in my step. The sooner I got to Jacob, the better. I wasn’t allowed in school probably for the rest of the year because of my issues, but it was Saturday and Jacob would be home. I hoped.

Aunt Clara and Michael were still asleep, so I tip-toed down the hall and descended the stairs, walking right passed my shoes and only reaching for my coat. I slipped it on and opened my front door.

I hoped I wasn’t making a mistake.

Jacob came to the door when I rang. He was in lounge pants and a muscle shirt and his hair was messy in that attractive way, that made my stomach flip. He seemed shocked when he saw me, and then he turned bright red, and then he finally asked me what I was doing on his front step at six in the morning.

I had brought my notebook. I scribbled it down on the front page, real big.

I don’t want to hurt.

He understood immediately. Right there in his doorway, without hesitating, he pulled me to him and captured my mouth with his. This was what I wanted. Escape. Into Jacob. Into someone who could transport me to other worlds, better worlds, just through his touch.

Jacob planted his hands on my waist, stepping closer, pressing his body right up against mine. I slid my hands up his chest and around his neck. The feeling was electric. His kisses were sparks on my lips, his touch fire. And I loved it. I wanted it.

I moved to my tip-toes to get more leverage with him and he started to kiss me harder when I heard someone clear their throat behind us. 

Belinda stood with her hands on her hips and one eyebrow raised at the door. She squinted her eyes at Jacob, who nodded and turned to me. “I have to go,” he said. He turned to leave, but I grabbed his hand. It fit like two pieces in a puzzle. He seemed to notice, too, because he looked down for moment before meeting my eyes again.

“I don’t know how else to handle it,” I whispered. I didn’t like admitting I was weak and I needed Jacob to get me through it. But I wasn’t lying. It was the truth. With Belinda still behind him he brushed over my lips with his thumb, tugging my lower lip so they parted.

“I believe in you,” he said, and ran his hand through my hair before walking back inside with his nanny.

I stood on his front step for a long time before my feet remembered how to walk and they carried my humiliated ass out of there.

He believed in me. He . . . believed in me? Someone actually thought I wasn’t a monster and that I was capable of guiding myself through this process that was hell?

I thought back to what Grandpa told me. Seeing as I wasn’t dying (because the universe obviously didn’t want me to die, yet) I would settle with his advice. Jacob obviously wanted me. But did he . . . oh, I didn’t even want to say that word. The “L” word. It scared me.