How It's Going To Be [h.s.]

Chapter 36

I had almost said it. I had almost said those words. At the door that morning, emotions I had never before felt were coursing through my body. I nearly lost the control I had been managing for weeks. One look from Kate with her beautiful eyes and quivering lip and I nearly said those three little words when I was saying goodbye. That would have been a terrible mistake.

"You asleep?" Louis whispered.

"No," I grumbled. I refused to open my eyes.

"It gets better," he mumbled. "It hurts in the beginning, but it gets easier."

"How do you figure?" I snapped.

"Well," Louis said calmly. "You'll see her in just a couple of weeks. Just focus on that."

"Yeah," I frowned. "But nothing compares to seeing her every day."

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{Kate's Point of View}

                 

I stared down at the rust colored tea pooled at the bottom of the cup. Hours ago, the cup had been full with delicious steaming tea and my boyfriend had been wandering around this house. Now, I was left with a single sip of cold tea and left without Harry.

The numbness I felt was very foreign. I had certainly felt strong emotions in my life, but never before had those emotions become so intense they jammed together and faded into such a throbbing sense of confusion and nothingness. It was as if my feelings were stuck in a gridlock. I was happy Harry had the chance to go on tour. I was excited that he was excited. I was thrilled that I could go back to work. I was disheartened that Harry would be gone for so long. I was devastated that I was alone. Is this how it's going to be every time he has to leave?

I could feel a lump rising in my throat. In an effort to avoid crying, I rushed from the kitchen and up the stairs. I staggered into Harry's bathroom and leaned over the sink. Cold water streamed from the tap and I splashed the water on my face. I needed to leave. Staying at his townhouse for a moment longer would tear me apart.

The silver key remained in the box on the bedside table. Last night, the key had been just a key. As I stood feeling the smooth metal, the key became a lifeline. That irritating feeling of my throat swelling returned. I pocketed the key quickly.

After making Harry's bed and cleaning up the kitchen, I turned the lights off and stepped onto the front porch. I locked the front door behind me. Cold air encircled me and thick clouds hid the afternoon sun. I glanced at my watch. A bus would be stopping near the park in ten minutes. I set off toward the park.

The bus was nearly empty when I boarded it. I took a seat near the back and rested my head against the cool window. I kept my handbag in my lap and resisted the urge to check my phone. Even if Harry had texted me, I probably would have been too emotional to read the message.

I wondered if Harry would be angry I chose to take the bus. He had given me explicit instructions to stay at his townhouse as long as I wanted to, but I had to bear in mind that his housekeepers were coming the next morning. When I felt like leaving, I was to call Eli to pick me up and take me home. Choosing the bus was intentional; I wanted time to think and get some air. And I was still slightly uncomfortable with the fact that I had Eli to rely on.

It was late afternoon when the bus neared my street. I stood up as the bus slowed and I stepped onto the pavement. The air was cold so I hurried into my building. "Hello Miss Wright," the doorman beamed at me.

"Hello, Nathaniel " I waved.

"You're alone this afternoon?" he raised an eyebrow. "Where is Harry?"