“We both have brown hair,” She points out, “But only one of these dolls has brown hair. What are we going to do Frankie?”
“You are the girl with the brown hair and the pink dress,” I point to the doll she’s holding. “And I’ll be the blonde with the purple dress okay?” She nods happy with the deal and then hands me the blonde doll. I’d played this game enough to have a perfected woman voice, and to also be ready for any questions Bandit might throw at me. This was all a game of improvisation, and as long as she asked reasonable questions I’m sure I’ll be okay.
“Your name is Barbie and mine is… um… Chloe!” Bandit shouts excitedly and then puts the doll on the carpet in between my legs, her being sat on my right thigh. I copy her and make sure my doll is standing in front of Bandit’s doll. It feels like I’m in an episode of Sesame Street, the way Bandit giggles as we pretend to walk the dolls. We had a conversation about nails, and then hair and then I decided that maybe that was enough for dolls.
“Bandit, do you want to draw or something? I’m sure I have crayons and paint,” I say, hoping she’ll get off my thigh, sit at the table and draw or paint something - mainly because my thigh needed blood back in it. She jumped off of my thigh and ran towards the wooden coffee table. I went to the cupboard under the stairs and pulled out the paints, realising the crayons were broken. As soon as the paper, paint and brushes were in front of her she started to paint away, getting lost in her own world, much like Gerard did when he was creative. I just picked up the TV remote and watched LA Ink.
“Uncle Frankie, I’m done,” Bandit says turning to me 15 minutes later.
“Oh, can I see?” I ask and she nods, letting me lean over to look. Now, with two artist parents you think she’d be pretty good at drawing, and let me tell you for a 3 year old, it’s amazing. I’d expected worse, I’ll admit that, but I also expected flowers or something. Instead there was a house, drawn in orange, and a tree on the right side. On the left there are four people – Gerard, Lindsey, Bandit and someone else. I had no idea who the last person was. There’s Bandit obviously the smallest, but then there are three adult sized stick figured.
“Hey B, who are these people?” I ask, pointing to the group of people.
“It’s my family,” She smiles and points to the little figure. “Me,” She moves her finger along to the next finger, “Mommy.” She continues to move her finger along the page, “Daddy, and then there’s you.”
I grin so wide I feel my whole face more. She’s so adorable, and classes me as part of her family! I pick her up by her under-arms, pulling her into my lap on the couch. Her chubby arms wrap around my sides and I hug her tightly.
“Are you a sleepy little girl?” I ask when she yawns, almost trying to hide it. “C’mon don’t be sneaky with me.”
“I promise I’m not tired, I don’t want to go to sleep. Then it’s wasting time not being with you,” She pulls away from my chest and grins. I’m not being fooled though.
“Up to bed B, I’ll tell you a story.”
I carry her up the stairs, her head rested on my shoulder and her legs around my waist. First I take her to the bathroom where I watch her brush her teeth but then she demands that I leave while she pees. Then I take her into my girls’ old room, and drop on the bed, while she giggles. I pull the pink covers from under her body and tuck her in, while tickling her just a little. I think she’s too tired to laugh, really.
“What story do you want Bumble Bee?” I ask, sitting on the bed sideways so I can still see her face. She looks so cute tucked up in big pink sheets.
“I want… hm, well I already know the story of how Mommy and Daddy met, because Daddy tells me all the time… so tell me how you and Daddy met!”
I smile a little, trying to remember the time I first met Gerard.
“Well… I was in a band-“
“Oh! Was it My Chemical Romance?” Bandit asks excitedly, clapping her hands.
“Not yet, sweetie. It was Pencey Prep and your Daddy’s band, My Chemical Romance, was practicing in the room next door. I heard them play a song through the wall and I thought I would go check them out,” I tell her what I can remember but she looks a little confused. “Your daddy was really sweet and said he loved my band, and I said that his band was so awesome!”
“But… I’ve never heard of Pencey Prep… and you were in Daddy’s band?” Bandit asks me confused, “You played guitar.”
“You’re right.” She yawned and I stopped the story, not really knowing how to continue you it without thinking about my old band too much. “I’m going to bed okay sweet? I’ll leave the light on if you want.”
She nods, her eyes fluttering shut and I stop at the door watching her for a minute. “Thank you for being like my daddy, Frank. I love you. “
My breath catches in my throat and I don’t know how to respond except a strained, “I love you, too.” But then I’m out of the room and quickly into my bedroom before Bandit can hear me cry. I miss my kids, and I miss being a real dad, and I love Bandit like she was my own. She’s honestly the sweetest little girl ever. I lay on my bed, tears down my face and I slowly start to fall asleep.
Later on in the night, I hear a loud cry. I don’t really want to wake up because I’m exhausted, but I need to see what’s wrong. I push back the covers and then there’s a loud bang from outside; there’s a storm. When I reach the door to the bedroom where Bandit should be sleeping her cries get louder and louder.
“Frankie! Uncle Frankie! Help me!” She shouts and I enter the room, walking quickly towards the bed where she’s sat up and clutching the covers.
“Shhh,” I soothe her, picking her up into my arms, “Shh sweetie it’s all okay.” I rock her gently in my arms until she stops crying.
“Can I sleep with you please?” She sniffs, her pigtails are falling out a little bit and I smile.
“We’ll go watch a movie.”
I carry her downstairs, grabbing the pink cover with one hand. I lay on the couch first and then she lays down in front of me. The pink sheets soon cover us just to keep us warm, and then I turn the TV on with the remote, a movie that only just started playing quietly. “Don’t be scared little B,” I kiss her cheek, “I’ll protect you, okay?” She cuddles into my side and we fall asleep.
I wake up a little while later, and I feel a cool breeze. My eyes don’t want to open, but I feel a cold hand touch my cheek, they stroke my cheek bone lightly and I almost sigh, but the feel in my chest tells me that making a noise will ruin this moment. They lean down and kiss my cheek, the lips feeling warm compared to the cold hand. There’s the sound of a kiss somewhere that’s not on my body and then they leave, their feet making a noise on the floor and the front door closing behind them.
Chapter 3
Start from the beginning
