Castille

Chapter Eleven

"So, ikaw lang ba sa mga kauri mo ang nakikita?" I ask him as I eat the fries. Nandito kami ngayon sa cafeteria, it's lunch time so magkasama kaming nagpunta sa cafeteria at kumain.
He just smiled and eat the food he bought.

"Maybe.." nagkibit-balikat siya. "..but, baka may iba ring katulad ko na merong misyon, hindi ko rin kasi alam eh.."

"So about my mission?" he look at me intently, pinatong pa niya ang baba niya sa dalawa niyang magkasiklop na kamay. He looked like he's up for some negotiation. Nailang naman ako and I just smiled awkwardly. "I-i don't know about that, Cast.." pinaglaruan ko nalang ang pag-dip ko sa fries sa tomato catsup. "Oh come on, Tory!" napasandig siya sa kanyang upuan.

"It's not that easy, you know" I laugh awkardly. "How can you say that?" takang tanong niya. "Falling in love is not that easy, Castille..well, of course, given that I love myself.."

"We-wait! I don't think you've got it wrong, Tory.." he raised his hand to stop me. "What do you mean?" naguguluhang tanong ko. "I mean, you think you already love yourself by that?" at tiningnan niya ako ng pataas-baba.

Tiningnan ko naman ang sarili ko, I was wearing a round neck sweater and a pair of jeans with black Chuck's. "Why? What's wrong with me?" napangiwi naman siya. "Uhmm.. Not that much pero, halatang you don't have that much confidence, feeling mo kasi parang ikaw lang ang tinitingnan ng tao that's why you chose to be invisible.."

"And, Tory.." nilapit niya ang mukha niya sa akin, "..I don't see a girl who is in love with herself.." at tiningnan niya ako sa mga mata at sa mga labi. I gaped and looked at him thorougly. Umayos siya ng upo at tiningnan ako. "I see a girl who can't be moved, nakikita ko ang isang babaeng said na said na, na hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa napapatawad ang gumawa sa kanya niyan.." kumuha siya sa fries ko at pinaglaruan sa kanyang bibig.

Bigla namang bundol ng sakit ang naramdam ko, I had to swallow hard na baka madala pati ang sakit na nadama ko. Yumuko ako and try to compose myself, this is funny, huminga ako ng malalim and in a moment tumingin ako sa kanya with a smile plastered on my face.

"How'd you know that?" nanginginig ang boses na tanong ko. Uminom muna siya sa iced tea na inorder niya but he didn't bother to break the contact. "I told you, Tory.. I know everything.." at nilapag niya ang baso niya. "Do you think that's inappropriate?" medyo naasar na ako, tumitigas na ang bawat bitaw ko ng salita sa kanya. He then gave me his signature look, yung parang inaalam ang laman ng kaluluwa mo? That look na parang malulunod ka pero hindi ako nagpatinag, I manage to look at him with the same intensity.

"It's not just inappropriate, Tory, it's also unethical.." naging malamlam ang tingin niya sa akin. "Then why not give me my f*k*ng privacy, Cast?" hamon ko sa kanya, I have to deal with this guy, masyado na siyang nai-involve sa buhay ko and that scares me. He tapped the table and look at me intently.

"D' you think I didn't try, Tory?" matigas na sagot niya. "But I just can't, y' know! The hell I wanted to bomb my ears just so I can stop hearing you getting hurt!" napatayo na siya at napasigaw, every one in the cafeteria stop what they're doing and just look at us as if we we're putting up a show. I had to admit, nanginig ako, napatingin lang ako sa kanya as he burst out. Then I saw him close his eyes at napapagod na napaupo.

"This is the perk of being alive, Tory.." I saw how his eyes twinkled with sadness. ".. The fact that you brought me to life just gets harder, it's a matter of give and take you know.." he just continued breaking down while I am left speechless. My eyes flutter for awhile.

"B-but you can just go back there.." kulang sa lakas na suhestiyon ko. Nakita ko naman siyang napailing at pinaglaruan ang baso. "I can't.." maikling sagot niya. "You know, you remind me of someone.." nasabi ko, I saw him eyed me. I felt the pang of hurt as I was talking. "He.. told me he wouldn't leave as long as I am hurting.." kumislap naman ang mata niya. "But as every promises said, he also left it undone.." patuloy ko.

"Maybe he had some reasons of leaving you.." that get me right there. Bumalong agad ang luha sa mga mata ko. God! After all this years, I still feel the betrayal, the stab he left in my chest. "I-i don't think so.." napailing-iling ako. "You know, Tory, people leave for some reasons, maybe isa siya sa mga taong ayaw ng budburan pa ng asin ang kaunting sakit na mararamdaman ng taong iiwan niya.."

I eyed him after he said that, parang nararamdaman kong pinagtatanggol niya si Casy. Damn that name! "How could you say that, Castille?! Dahil lang din sa ginawa niya hindi lang asin ang binudbod niya, I bet it was an asido! You never know how much it hurts!" and with that I grab my things. Nagmadali naman akong lumayo sa kanya.

"Tory!" I heard him called but I never looked back. It was as if dealing with the pain again, it was also my fault, I did opened up the topic. "Tory!" I felt his grasp on my arm. Galit akong tumingin sa kanya. "I know.." mahina niyang sabi. Kumunot ang noo ko, what's he talking about?

"I know how it feels.." yumuko siya. Lumiwanag ang mukha ko. "Really?" I uncertainly ask him. Bahagya siyang tumango. He has this something in his eyes, it was as if he is hurting yet guilty.

"I'm sorry, Tory.. I thought it was better leaving you, I had some reasons that's why I had to leave you.." and if ever my reaction would be like with a hanging mouth only then you're wrong. I just felt my fist landing on he's handsome face.