Are You Happy Now?

Chapter 17: Changed for the Better

Here is the next chapter! Thank you to MichelleCole for following me!

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(Cassidy's P.O.V.) 

Two months have blurred by. I barely did anything except stare at the wall or listen to Riley. He still comes every day, without fail. He tells me what is happening at the club, with the pack, in his life, and the world if something big happens. Riley forces me to eat each meal, forces me to walk around and keep my muscles fit enough. He looks after me like I dreamed my mate always would. Why couldn't he be my mate? I know he loves me, but I don't think I can bring myself to love him as he loves me. He will find his mate one day, and then he will no longer be mine, so why set myself up for more pain? I see him as more of a temporary band aid sort of. Eventually you have to rip off that band aid and deal with the pain of the air. You have to let your wounds scab over and heal; though each wound will more often than not leave a scar. Everything that hurts you forces you to change somehow. This is how we learn to survive, we learn from our scars.  

Riley is all I really have to look forward to each day. I am honestly probably only holding on for him and my mom. I've yet to send her a letter telling her I am indeed alive... I just couldn't bear to do it yet. Living, or whatever you can call what I am, a life where no one is looking for me - thinking I am dead, is a pretty good feeling. No one looking for me, no one to run and hide from - no one to avoid and hurt. Yeah, I am hurting my mom and Jake by letting them believe I am dead but me being alive and willingly gone hurts them more. At least this way they have a chance to move on and no have to worry themselves over if I am alive and okay anymore. In a way I think me remaining dead for the time being is the best choice I have.  

How much longer can I sit in here not talking and only doing enough to survive? I need to get out of this room. I need to get fresh air. I need to shift and run free for a few hours. But none of this will happen because I am not allowed to leave the room until I get "better." Until I start pulling myself together and return to a similar version of Cassidy that the pack met three months ago. How am I going to pull myself together when I think I deserve all the suffering I am enduring? I hurt my mom and Jake by leaving. I probably hurt my mate's wolf by letting him think his mate is dead. I got Logan killed because I couldn't defend myself. I deserve the pain fate has thrust upon me. How much longer will it last though? 

Before I could ponder this any further Riley stepped into the room carrying a tray of food. Looks like it was another round of how long will it take for Riley to guilt me into eating. So far he has managed to do it in less than two minutes. All he really has to do is beg me or give me his sad, puppy dog expression, pun intended there by the way. For the first time in ages I feel the hunger, the primal need for food. Before everything felt numb; I couldn't tell when I was hot or cold, hungry or full, or any emotion what so ever. Maybe I was slowly working my way back to the old me - or at least what is left of her.  

As Riley placed the food in front of me, I shocked him by reaching out and grabbing the fork willingly and taking a bite. His face was priceless. He didn't stop me though; he just stared at me in awe. He was probably wondering what the heck was making me so responsive today. I couldn't answer that if I tried, I just have this feeling that today is different, something was about to change in my life again. I quickly finished the food and asked Riley for more. It was the first time I have said a word since I woke up after they intentionally knocked me out for a week. He just nodded and ran downstairs to get me more.  

He returned carrying another plate full of food and it smelled incredible. I quickly gobbled that down too.  

"Thank you Riley." I said. He looked taken back at my gratitude, or maybe it was just the fact I was speaking that stunned him speechless again. I felt the corners of my mouth pull up in a small smile at his quite puzzled facial expression. He quickly noticed my small smile and shot me a big toothy one of his own. Before I could even react he pulled me in for a tight hug and let out a quite audible sigh.