My Best Friends Promise

Chapter Thirty | Remembering You

Lauren and Amy go over to me and pull me in for a hug as we all cry together. "You have to stay strong kid, I know it's hard." Amy says as she kisses the top of my head and they both release me.

"How can I stay strong? That's my best friend laying six feet in the ground. Tell me. How am I suppose to stay strong when the best thing that has ever happened to me is dead. I can't do it, and I'm sorry." I say as I pull away from them.

I feel Lauren walk up behind me. "If this is your way of recovering you better change it. You know this isn't what Alex wanted and you know that Amy is trying to be there for you and you're just pushing her away. You're pushing all of us away and we are worried about you." Lauren says as I turn to face her. "This team is trying to move on, and we can't do it without you. You're holding us back, you have to more forward Tobs, that's what she would want."

"I miss her. I miss Alex." I say as more tears slip from my eyes.

"I know, I do too." Lauren says as she pulls me in for another hug and this time I hug her back.

We walk back to the grave stone and I noticed something on the back of the stone. Something that wasn't there, the last time I was here. It was a picture of Alex and her first game with the National Team. Her smile goes ear to ear and she looks so happy. It makes me miss her even more.

Finally after about an half an hour at her grave we all went back to the bus and back to the hotel. With our heads down we all walked into our rooms. Everyone was going to get ready for the game today and it's the first time they'll play a game on the field where Alex died. I walked back to my room, an empty room that still had Alex's stuff in it. As I closed the door behind me I decided that it was time to move on. I thought about what Lauren said.

I get a few boxes from the storage room and I begin to sort through all of Alex's stuff, it was hard, harder than I thought it would be. But it had to be done. So why not today. I found her pink pre wrap, and I held it in my hands. She always wore it, never did a day go by without her wearing it. I didn't place it inside the box that was labeled Alex. I set it aside so I can always have something to remind me of the best friend that I lost.

I went through her clothes, all of them. I pictured her wearing each outfit and I smiled at that. Ever since she died, I felt like she was gone. I felt like she wasn't anywhere near me. But now. I feel like she is with me, I feel her with me. I feel her inside me and it made my heart melt. I look outside the window and I felt her there. The sun was starting to shine and just a couple hours ago it was dark and gloomy. I smile, as sunlight goes through the windows. "Hi Lex." I whisper.

I kept some of her clothes, so I can have a piece of her with me. I kept all her National Team jerseys, all her college shirts and hoodies. I kept her favorite tops and her favorite Nike sweatpants that I bought her on one of her birthdays.

I still had a smile on my face as I continue going through her stuff. I looked through her scrap book that we made together during one summer day. I flipped through the pages, and I smiled as I looked at each picture we took together. I remembered the memories we made in each picture and it killed me that we wouldn't be able to make anymore memories. I set the scrap book aside knowing that I was also going to keep that.

I finally finished placing all of her items in its designated box. I kept lots of her stuff, and the rest of the stuff that were in the boxes would be sent to her family. I set the boxes aside. I cleaned the room, not even realizing how dusty it was. As I was cleaning under her bed I found a shoebox that surprised me. I never knew she had it.

I set it on my bed and I opened it. Inside it were two stacks of pictures all rubber band together. I grabbed one stack and looked through them. Some of the pictures were of me and her. Some were with Lauren and Amy and the entire National Team.