“Frank, please, leave it. You’ll hurt yourself.” He says calmly. He doesn’t let go off my wrist. “Well…I know it hurts already and I understand but…”
“No, you don’t understand!” I shout at him and escape his grip as I pull back. “That’s the thing! You don’t understand! You don’t know what it’s like to lose your family and all you loved! You don’t know what it’s like having everything being taken away from you, you don’t know what it’s like knowing that you can’t even see your kids. I’m fucking shitting myself every fucking minute of the day because I can’t see them and I’m worried about them! You don’t know that feeling, you see Bandit every day and you can speak to her and spend time with her!”
More and more tears run down my cheeks and I feel like I’m in the shower again, but this one isn’t enjoyable. I can’t see anything anymore because of the amount of tears covering my eyeballs. I close my eyes once more and I want to go back to the past and really appreciate all the time I’ve spent with my family. I feel a sudden wave of cold, not only because I’m standing in the kitchen in a towel but because I feel cold on the inside. I’m empty. I’m feeling so much guilt it’s almost impossible to handle. Then I feel Gerard’s arms wrap around my almost naked body. His body makes me feel warmer in just a few seconds. He presses me into his chest and I can feel a tear land on my back. Even if Gerard doesn’t know what I’m feeling, he’s trying to understand. He cares about me and I just needed him to prove it. I needed this hug more than I needed to hear any other words.
I eventually hug back, lifting my arms to wrap around his body. He squeezes me tighter and after a few seconds the towel starts to slip down my body, but it doesn't move all that fast so I can kind of slow it down my squashing my underarms into my body. But then unexpectedly the towel comes rushing down, and it reaches my hips - it's original position - and I gasp. Something stopped it from falling, and I pull away from the hug, but can't move very far away. Gerard caught the towel, his hands bunching the soft material, right on my lower back. He's so close to my ass, that all the heat in my body rushes to my face and I know I'm bright red - I can feel the radiating heat myself.
"Um, I - Here you go," Gerard says, wiggling the material with his hand. I can feel the warmth of his skin, his hand so close to my lower back it feels like they’re touching, but in reality his hand is ghosting my skin. Gerard’s touch has never felt like this before. He’s never made me feel so alive like this before. His eyes try to not look at my body and I can tell he's trying hard. Is it because I'm ugly - does my body repulse him that much? I blush even deeper, and there's an awkward exchange of material as I reach around to grab the towel. He passes me the towel, and I'm shaking so much I almost drop it. But I don't, thankfully. "Thanks," I say and then there's silence.
The silence is louder than words, a lot like it is most of the time I'm with Gerard. We don't really ever have to say anything to know that we're both really awkward with each other right now. I can't pull the towel up, because that will expose more flesh than I'm already exposing. His eyes are still looking everywhere but my body, but sometimes they flicker to my chest and then dart away quickly. I decide to just ask why he's here.
"Why did you come here Gerard? If you were worried about me you could have just called," I point out, "I do have the ability to answer phone calls."
"Oh right! Um, well. You can say no if you want, but Lindsey asked me to ask you if you could watch Bandit for us tonight. I totally disagree with her, and if you don't want to, or you're busy we can just stay in because obviously it's down to you-"
"I'd love to, you know I love her," I say, raising an eyebrow, "Why? Do you think I'm not capable of looking after kids now?"
"Of course not Frank!" Gerard looks really offended and I feel guilty but it just helps me trust what he's saying. "If I really believed that do you think I'd leave my daughter with you?"
"No." I shrug. "I guess not."
“So you’ll do it then? I mean, really Frank you don’t have to. You kind of accept that you might have to stay in some night when you have kids, so really man, if she’s gonna be a burden, I get it,” Gerard kind of looked like he was pleading with me to say no. Maybe if I say no it’ll be like I’m admitting there’s something wrong with me.
“Of course I do it. I’m Uncle Frank, the greatest uncle in the world!” I say, smiling and Gerard laughs a little. I’m just glad the awkwardness has gone. “Plus, it’d be nice to have the company.”
“That’s really great Frankie, I’m sure Lindsey will be really happy to have a night out,” Gerard say with a laugh, then rolls his eyes, “I’m just happy to see you smile.”
I smile a little more. “Oh and by the way Frankie, you’re looking seriously skinny. I need to get some food in you!” Gerard says and then pulls his phone out of his pocket, “What kind of pizza do you want man. I’ll pick it up on my way to get Bandit. I don’t know if Lindsey has fed her yet, and I’m not gonna put all that shit on you.”
“Gerard, I’m really full already, I’ve ate some much-“ I try to reason but he cuts me off.
“Even I know that’s not true Frank. If I look in your refrigerator will I see food? Because I’m willing to bet I won’t,” Gerard puts his hands on his hips, as if to emphasis his point and looks at my pointedly. He face looks so serious I almost forget about the fact that I’m half naked. Almost.
“Well, no. But I got take-out I swear.”
“I don’t wanna hear it, I’m getting you cheese pizza and I’m going to go pick B up. See you soon!” Gerard says and then walks out of the room with his phone to his ear before I can even protest. He opens the front door, I know because I can hear the heavy wood creak again, and I sigh.
“Oh and Frank? Put some clothes on!” I hear him shout and then laugh to himself before the door slams, leaving me alone again.
Chapter 2
Start from the beginning
