Are You Happy Now?

Chapter 16: Somehow, Someway, Someday

Why must I hurt everyone I care about? First Cassidy, then my mother, who's next?  

(Jake's P.O.V.) 

The funeral for our Luna was heartbreakingly sad. Everyone cried, well everyone except our Alpha. He didn't shed a tear about his mate's death! I hate him. I don't know how much longer I can stick around here. Between the ass of a mate my sister had, my grieving mother - grieving for Cassidy and still not speaking to me for her departure in the first place, the whore of a sister I have, the cheating scum of a father I have, and the oppressive Alpha I am forced to follow, I don't know how much longer I can stay. I am wasting away staying here. 

I almost ran back through the pack house at the end of the funeral and up to my room. My room was bare nowadays. Before I had pictures of girls and friends scattered around my room walls, I had posters of my favorite bands, and CD cases stacked around my room. Now I have a map in place of all the posters and pictures. The map was from when I was searching for Cassidy. I crossed off everywhere I went and pinned where I planned on looking. I was afraid to take it down. Taking it down would imply that I have come to terms that she is gone and I haven't. 

My baby sister was never meant to die. She was meant to find her mate and live happily ever after. She was supposed to grow old and be the aunt to my kids. She was the only one who ever really knew me, despite us not really talking. Somehow she managed to figure everything out from just observing from afar. She was truly incredible.  

On my wall next to the map I pretty much had a shrine to Cassidy. Every embarrassing picture I could find of us together had been put there. I used them as motivation to find her and bring her back so we could make more crazy memories together. Now that would never happen. I was too late, it was too late. She was already gone.  

On my wall also hung the letter she wrote to me. I read it every night before I fell asleep. 

It says, 

I know that you will find this letter first Jake. I want you to know I'm not mad at you anymore. I understand. I love you, and will always love you. No matter where I am, I will. I was mad at you momentarily today for not picking my side, for choosing your reputation over me. But as I am writing this my anger is slowly disappearing. I'm not mad anymore. I can never stay mad at you long, you know that.  

Now listen to me, knowing you, you are beating yourself up about doing what you did today. You probably came barging in here expecting to find me and apologize. I'm sorry I left without a goodbye but I can't stay at a pack I'm not wanted at. Jake, you can't beat yourself up and think that I left because you were a jerk. Yeah, you were, but the real reason I'm leaving are because I'm not wanted here. I get ignored, treated like crap by Briella, and shunned because I didn't come out as a shifter. I accepted that I have been rejected by my mate - no I didn't lie about that just so you know for future reference by the way. Damen is - was - my mate, but our bond is broken and it is what has allowed me to leave. 

I was only sticking around to be with mom and you. You both needed me. I also stayed because I hoped to find my mate and he would save me from all the crap I put up with here. We both know that will never happen now. I left to start over, and to live the life I have always wanted to. Where I am going to end up, I have no idea! But wherever I do, I will be happy (hopefully, knock on wood). I need this. So Jake please, let me go. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and move on with your life. I will always be with you wherever you go, just like I know you will always be with me.  

Now, I want to say sorry for leaving. Sorry for making a scene at school. Sorry for not making the right birthday cake for your birthday this year. Sorry for making you help me with my social studies project (we both know you did most of it because I suck at anything history related). Sorry for all the little annoying things I have done in the past, and sorry for causing you pain when I left. Jake, I love you big brother and I want you to come to terms with me leaving. Please let me leave this place with peace of mind that you will find happiness.  

Jake I have one more thing to ask of you: Don't, under any circumstances, look for me. I don't want to be found. You won't find me either, so save to effort and don't try. I have to start over with a clean slate and so do you. So for both of us, let me go.  

I love you big bro, nothing will ever change that. You and mom will always be in my mind and heart. I will write someday, telling you I am okay - and alive (again knock on wood).  

Remember what I asked 1- Don't look for me and 2- Move on with your life.  

Life is only darkest before the dawn, and if you look now, dawn is just around the corner. 

Goodbye for now Jake. 

Cassidy. 

After all that it went onto a separate piece of paper, a letter to Damen. Damen took that half and I don't know what he did with it.  

I know Cassidy had asked two things of me, to not look for her and move on, but I couldn't bring myself to do either. I had to find her and make sure she was okay. She could've died out there on her own - not being able to shift and defend herself. I couldn't move on until I knew she was alive and safe. She is neither now. Not alive. Not safe. 

I will never see her glowing green eyes. Never see her smile that lit up the room contagiously. Never see her fall in love and get married. My baby sister will never meet my mate, whoever she may be, and will never grow up. Cassidy is gone now, and with her she took a little piece of all of us. 

(Mrs. Samantha Knightlock's P.O.V.) 

My baby girl is gone. I will never see her again; at least that's what I'm told. I don't feel the same. I don't think she is dead. I would've felt it. A mother can always tell when her baby has left this world, and Cassidy hasn't.

She must think of me, wherever she is and know that she is the only good thing left in my life. She must feel her mother cry herself to sleep every night. She must fight to come back, like the strong girl I raised. 

I don't believe she is gone. She will find her way back to us somehow.  

Cassidy is a fighter. She is strong and doesn't give up without a fight.  

My baby will find her way home somehow, someway, someday. I'm sure of it.

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-Pluto