Girls, Boys, & Girls

Eric

Eric

I couldn't stop thinking. I never can, the thoughts just don't stop. When one starts, another one causes 5 others to start, it's basically a wildfire going on in my head.
"It's over."
Were the only two words she spoke to me in weeks. I couldn't get my mind off of her, I locked myself in my room for the last couple of weeks since then. How could I face her? How could I even speak to her when every time I shut my eyes it's her lips on mine and I can feel it like a stain in my mind.
And all I can do is play back.

I looked at her, smiling at her arrival. She ran into my arms and I wrapped them around her with ease. I breathed every bit of her in, and exhaled out knowing that I could live off her lavender shampoo blue sapphire eyes. I could run my hands through her smooth dark black hair and know she's mine. I could live with the thought of her in my head and live through a war zone. I could feel her uneasiness in my arms as she buried herself in my chest. Something was wrong, but trying to find out what was always like trying to open a box wrapped with chains. All I could do was squeeze her tighter and remind her I'm there. I know she can feel it, the warmth of my body mashed against hers as if we were intertwined like strings, always meant to be entangled.

She looked up at me, there was this loss in her eyes, and I knew it before she said anything. My heart was already shattered. It's such a tragedy when you already feel the pain before it happens. And then it does. She says it, those two words, those two words stabbing through my heart like a spear going straight through. I can see tears in her eyes, and I feel this pang of anger, never hatred. But in a sense, I feel pathetic, like I could just drop to my knees and detach soul from body. But all I do is stay silent. I can't ask why or beg her not to, because I want her to be happy, no matter what. I just wished that it was with me.

And deep down, I'm sure I knew. But I still can't admit it. Not now. I laid in bed feeling so lifeless, that I can't remember moving an inch since the moment we ended. Ended. I hate that word, because it's so much more than just a word like 'end'. To describe what I mean, I'd end up giving you a bunch of examples like:
My heart stopped.
My inhibitions, gone.
Every aspect of wanting a future has fleeted.

Of course, it seems so ridiculous to be so melodramatic over it, but it can't be helped. My feelings aren't some script in a play meant for entertainment. My emotions are part of me, they create the person I am inside, even if most of it is hidden away. When you see me, you see my body, my story is behind it, the baggage, the emotions, they're there too. They can't be controlled, but of course they can be labeled. But so can you and every other goddamn person on this planet, it's absolutely ridiculous to try to label everything and everyone. How I feel right now, it's depressed. I feel so lost.

The one person my entire world has revolved around just broke my heart.

To say she broke my heart is an understatement. She didn't mean to, but even if she didn't, she somehow managed to drop it and let everyone stomp over it without realizing.
In literal terms, my heart is on the floor.

"God, get up, Eric." Someone pushes me off the bed and I start roll off, unwillingly. The sheets wrap around me as I come meet my doom on the floor, and I am unable to move even voluntarily. "Oops, sorry man." The voice apologizes, it's a masculine voice, immediately I know who it is.

"Justin just leave me alone." I growl at him, not ready to face the first world.
"You've laid on your ass for 2 weeks straight, I'm pretty sure you're damn near getting kicked out of school. Get. Up." He uses his military voice on me, and I'm up in a matter of 30 seconds.