I was tearing up before I even made it to his doorway. I figured it was best to knock instead of use my key and let myself in. At the thought of the key I lowered my hand from the door and wiped at my eyes.
I was a stupid fucking idiot who could very well lose the best possible thing that had ever happened to me. My arm shook as it rose to knock on the door I had become so accustomed to in the past nine months.
He opened the door in an orange beanie I had never seen before. He was sporting a white v neck and grey sweatpants. He looked tired and completely fuckable but I knew that wouldn’t happen. We stared at each other for a few heart beats before he rubbed his eyes and stepped aside. “Come in.” His voice was warm and I bit my lip to stop it from trembling.
I took a step inside the door and he shuffled to shut it behind me. I didn’t turn around but his lips pressed a kiss to my cheek as he passed.
That’s all it too for me to break down and become a sobbing mess. “Shh, shh, Lauren don’t cry.” He comforted turning to wrap his arms around my slender and slumped shoulders. I clung to him and sobbed for what must’ve been a good minute before I finally calmed down and slowly pulled away from him.
“Wh-what did you want to talk about?” I asked not moving from my position in the foyer.
“I think that we both know our relationship isn’t working.” I nodded feebly, reaching up to wipe the remainder of the tears away. “And I know I have jealousy issues but it’s not just me. It’s you too. You’re too overwhelmed with school.”
“I’ll drop out.”
“No. You’re too smart for that baby.” I mewled at his affection and felt myself crumble even more. “Please,” he whispered tilting my chin up to see his own eyes glazing over, “please don’t drop out of school. No matter what.”
“Okay.” I agreed nodding feebly.
“Anything you want to add?” He offered.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.”
But I continued. “I’m sorry I’m such a pain in the ass, and I pushed you away, and I was a bitch, and I’m crying. And I know you hate when people cry in front of you so I’m sorry. And I’m sorry I missed your mum’s birthday and ditched you, and pushed you away. And I’m sorry I tried to make up for it with sex and lingerie. And I’m sorry I’ve been such a shit girlfriend and haven’t called you or text you or been there for you as much as you have for me. And I’m sorry for everything.”
“Lauren, don’t cry, don’t apologize.” He said wrapping his arms around me again. I cried into his chest most likely soaking his thin shirt. “You were the best thing that has ever happened to me, okay? You were the best girlfriend that you could be, and that’s all I could possibly ask for.”
I contemplated what I was going to say next.
I could either prolong the inevitable or get straight to the point. “Are we breaking up?” I murmured into his chest although I knew the answer.
“Yeah, babe, I think we have to.” I nodded trying to be strong as I got out of his grasp. Right now I just wanted to be at home -or at a pub drowning in beer. But then, that was the reason why this was happening.
“Why?” I asked assuming the answer but not wanting to hear it.
“You changed Lo.” His voice was sad and distant.
“I changed for you.” I whispered through the tears that rained down my cheeks. “You wanted me feisty.”
“You were baby, you are so goddamn hot and seductive.”
“But…” I egged him on.
“But you lost your innocence… and maybe that was my fault and maybe not. I miss when we used to go out for dinner, and hang out with Tessa and Louis, and enjoy sex, and cuddle after it, and tell each other every microscopic detail of our day. I miss running to the store and buying you a dozen purple roses because god dammit that was expensive. I just miss how we used to be.”
“I’m sorry I changed.”
“Everyone changes, we have to. I did too.”
“But you changed for me, I changed… I don’t know why or how or when I changed.” His own eyes were glossy again and I wanted to kiss them. He looked so vulnerable and unlike the Harry I was used to. He had cried maybe three times the entirety of our relationship. Each time I held him, just like his gran asked me to. But this time, this time I couldn’t do it.
“I know you didn’t.”
“I tried to change for you. I tried to be what you wanted.”
“You were everything and more than I wanted, I loved you.” I don’t know why this fact was new information to me. I knew it. After all, this was why I was here. My heart stopped. Literally I thought I was going to pass out and Harry took notice. “Lo? Lauren?” He took a step towards me but I took one back and held up my hands. I shook my head and willed him away. “Lauren, what is it?”
“Loved- you said you loved me.” He nodded not understanding my deathly voice. It hit me like a brick and I snapped out of the floating unbelieving phase I was in. He didn’t love me anymore and I had no fucking clue when that shift had happened but I damn near lost my mind. “Past tense, y-you don’t love me.”
Time was trickling by and I took in everything I could. This was, I knew, the last time I would be here, the last time I would stand in front of him, see his face, and hear his voice.
“Lauren-”
“I’ll go! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Harry! I promise not to contact you again!” I cried running out the door and ignoring his shouts of my name.
The end.
For now.
