our little boy // phan

Thougths will be the death of me

I was waiting beside dans hospital bed when my thoughts spoke,
You did this to him
No I didn't
Yes you did if you didn't shout he would be alive
No
You should kill yourself
No
Yes
No
Do it
No
Take some pills
No
Pull a tigger
No...
Cut on a vein
Probably no
Just die.
I - I uh no..
Dan doesn't love you after that stop telling yourself that
Yes he does. Right?
Your kids hate you they always liked Dan better
What?
Your life is worth nothing. You mean nothing to anyone.
You're right
Go cut
I will
I got up and went to the bathroom of the hospital. No razors. Shit. Cutting is hard to do in the hospital. Out of nowhere I heard a little voice call my name,
"phil?"
"Danny?" I ran over to his bedside and I kissed his nose. "How are you doing baby?"
"I'm in pain. But we've had worse days."
"I'm so glad you're okay."
"I'm sorry."
"Oh, be quiet I should be sorry." He had a little laugh that I am so glad I heard. He started at me,
"Did you try cutting again?"
"Uh," I cleared my throat "Nope."
"Try me again."
"No I'm serious." I didn't want to add any stress onto him,
"We have been together since year 10. I know when you're lying." He sat up,
"Ok. I didn't cut. But.."
"BUT what?!"
"But, I couldn't find any razors."
"Wow. Baby, why?"
"Because. I'm blaming myself."
"For what?" He said through his gritted teeth.
"For you. You know getting stabbed."
"It's not your fault. I shouldn't have just left at 2am. Something bad is bound to happen."
"Well I'm sorry."
"Don't be!"
"I am! I shouldn't have yelled. We all know the kids love you more. We all know our friends like you more. We all know the world adores you more...." I stopped talking. His reaction was amazingly destroying. He started crying, tear after tear. Honestly destroying. I looked down, trying not to cry.
"Baby, the kids love us equal. Our friends think nothing of you because who's Dan? Without Phil. And our fans? Anyone that's subscribed to me and not you? They can fuck off. Because they will never know or understand the true beauty of you. My husband. Passionate boyfriend. The most bad boy but at the same time so innocent. No matter what you loo beautiful. I know for sure you would look much more beautiful with no scars on your wrists." I was crying rivers,
"No one will understand the kindness of my amazing husband and the handsome father of our children." I kissed him way longer then I needed too. The male nurse from the ambulance came in while I was shoving my touché in his mouth. I pulled away as quick as possible. He winked at me. Oh shit. I saw Dan sit up and I looked down at the floor to hide my cheeks once he began,
"So are you fucking blind? Or are you just retarded? Did you not just see my HUSBAND kissing me? Clearly he thinks nothing of you or his tongue wouldn't have just been inside my mouth! Get The Fuck Out of my room!" He yelled that. Yep I don't think I have ever been more embarrassed,
"I - I'm so sorry." He said while Dan gave him the death glare.
"Don't even think about it! You're not sorry because my husband is hot as fuck and you get the pleasure of looking at him. Bye!" The nurse ran out and I looked at him and Dan grabbed my face and kissed me hard. Damn my husband has skills, I pulled away,
"I'm gonna go get the kids. I can hear them laughing from the waiting room."
"They wouldn't have heard me."
"Babe, the whole hospital heard you."
"Oh whatever." I kissed him lightly and walked into the waiting room. My kids in fits of laughter, along with our parents, grandparents, and his aunts and uncles. Well my mom and Dans parents. I walked in and shouted through the laughter,
"I'm glad your focused on Dan!" His grandma spoke,
"Well I knew Daniel could be jealous but not this bad! He must REALLY love you!" She was in hysterics. His father stood up when the laughter died down, he was holding Winnie and I picked up Auri. We started walking to Dans room when the same nurse from before asked if he could see me. I agreed thinking he wanted to apologize. Why am I always wrong. He pulled me in a kissed me. He pushed me against the wall, I tried pulling him of me but to no avail. He started kissing down my neck so I screamed Dans name. I don't know why but I knew he would hear me and get his dad to come. I was right this time. His dad came in a pushed him on the floor.
"Thanks."
"Your welcome. Why doesn't anyone understand MY son is Phil trash #1." I smiled and laughed,
"I don't know." He started walking out with me following behind. I walked into the hospital room and the female nurse was talking to Dan. He cut her short once he saw me.
"Philly? You alright? What happened?"
"He tried having sex with me." I could speak normally because the children were playing in the playroom. Dan sat up, feet hanging off the bed. Looking like he was going to kill someone. He probably was. Just then the nurse spoke,
"So I'm guessing your his best friend?"
"Husband actually." I corrected her because Dan looked to pissed to say a damn thing.
"Well then, Phil Lester. You can take Dan home today, luckily the cut wasn't as deep as we thought. He needed stitches but all in all he's perfectly fine."
"Then I'm getting out of this hospital gown. Dad." He looked at his dad. He got up and left with the nurse and Dan took off his gown. I whistled and he turned to me like he was disappointed. Once he was finished changing we got our kids, said goodbye to his family and we were supposed to leave right after but Dan decided no lets go beat up the guy that kissed my husband. He went over to him and duh I followed. I was tugging on his sleeve but who cares,
"If you look at my husband I will make sure you will never look again." I think that pissed him off because he pecked me on the cheek. I AM DONE. I grabbed the front of his shirt and punched him in the face,
"DID YOU NOT HEAR MY GORGEOUS HUSBAND? DON'T LOOK DON'T TOUCH AND I SWEAR YOU WILL BE SORRY OF YOU DO THESE THINGS AGAIN! BECAUSE DAN AND I WILL RAIN HELL IF YOU DO ANY OF THIS AGAIN!" Dan looked at me in shock. Then kicked the nurse in the side. We ran out before he could call for help, so over all he tattles we will too. We were in the car when My dad came up to the window,
"Hey, I can take the kids tonight to give Dan a break?" We both looked at each other and nodded. This was going to be the best night ever.

Sorry I didn't update last week byyyeeeeeee