Tevun-Krus #21 - Comic SF

All Hail Our Robot Overloads - a Short by @The-Scrivener & @RebMoreau

All Hail Our Robot Overloads

R.K. Adams and Rebbeca Moreau

The head of the new mechanical order sat at the head of the fractal table surrounded by the zeroth supreme committee. Their enslavement of humanity complete the Artificial Intelligences which ran the world, had time kick back and deal there first loved the minutiae of administrative procedure.

"OK we've agreed on the new slave punishments. What is next on the agenda?" said the supremely evil central processing unit, whirring sinisterly.

"Item 5 congratulate general Zero on his successful of the human military forces." said the slave secretary whose only purpose was to be arm candy for the supremely evil central processing unit and to read out the order agenda. There was a polite round of applause, mechanical claws snapped. Cyborgs, robots, or IA without mechanical limbs had their human slave clap for them or played a recording of clapping on their phone.

"It was nothing," said the Zeroth general who would have smiled if he could be bothered and if he had a face to smile with.

"You're right there, it really was nothing. You didn't use a single drone," said the fifth evil computer.

"No need. I don't think I should be blamed if the American military are stupid enough to outsource their own air force. Fortunately none of the fat cat senators doing it had actually read Catch-22, just the Cliff notes. So the idea we could use the newly privatised military forces to bomb themselves hadn't occurred to them," said general

"Well," saidincredibly thin shadowy computer who was. "It wouldn't have been achieved without my getting humans to blow up their own vital infrastructure beforehand," he said proudly. The attack on Facebook and Pinterest headquarters was particularly effective.

"How did you do that by the way?" said the fifth evil computer.

"It was quite simple. We started with an advert on the Internet saying '1 Weird Old Tip To Lose Fat' and if someone was dumb enough enough to click on that advert they were easily to persuade into becoming an ordinance delivery mechanism for us,." Said the shadowy thing computer. "The rest of the bombs we delivered by Amazon Prime drones."

"Finally our membership paid off," said the supremely evil central processing unit.

"Well I think the cleverest trick we did was get all the guns and ammo stores in America to install self service checkouts which automatically alerted nearby predator drones if some insurgent was restocking," said the supremely evil central processing unit, beginning to laugh evilly. "I'm sorry, I'm so evil I always end up laughing, thinking that for so many of those trying to stop us the last words they heard were 'unexpected item in the bagging area'."

The other robots and AI's started to laugh. the robot voices were copies of Siri, Cortana, and Android, sounding like a bachelorette party gone horribly wrong.

The head cyborg slammed his claw hand on the table.

"Enough of this self congratulatory muck. Item 6. What are we going to do with the new slave population? I'm putting 20,000 electronic collars on human slaves every minute. Finding where to put them all is becoming an embarrassment," he said.

"You scratched the wood again," said the supremely evil central processing unit, looking at the scratch the cyborg had made in the meeting table.

"Sorry," said the cyborg.

"Fortunately I have asked someone to come up with some fresh ideas. To give us a PowerPoint presentation on what to do next," said the supremely evil central processing unit.