Tevun-Krus #21 - Comic SF

Smith & Jones

1

THE world was a snow globe, and it rested on the ass of a drunken man who'd passed out while watching Sunday night football. Every so often, a great rumble would be heard and felt from down below.

Riding out the raging quake, the gang looked around at the emptiness that surrounded them. It seemed the walls were made of crystal meth, as outside they could see giant children putting a lighter to them and attempting to huff the resulting vapour.

"Where in the world are we now?" Jones asked. Smith's getup-a puffy shirt and a pair of tight blue undies that said HOT on the rear-caught his eye and he snorted out laughter and snot. Feeling self-conscious and undignified, he quickly mopped up the mucous with a napkin he conveniently found tucked into his sleeve. After tugging on it for a solid minute, he noticed it seemed to be longer than the entirety of this Sci-Fi Loop adventure thus far. He gave up and just left the endless hankie gag to coil on the ground and die.

"What're ya laughin' at, snotty?" Kris-who wore an oversized yellow hard hat, two orange pylons that really hurt her boobs, a jean skirt with patches on her ass torn out; and carried a large inflatable hammer-thought Jones was more than likely laughing at her. She also thought that whoever the idiot was who was writing this crap probably Googled "funny woman outfit" to get the idea. She wasn't impressed.

Looking down at himself, Smith shook his head in embarrassment. He attempted to cover his lower half with the puffy shirt, but that somehow only made the shirt smaller. "Kris, I must say, milady, that you look positively smashing."

"Yeah, yeah, keep it in yer pants, bucko."

"P-Pardon?" He looked down and nearly fainted. Tucking himself back into the confines of the undies, he decided he'd better play up the personal revulsion: "My word! Heavens to Betsy, Job and Frank!" Good job. I think she bought it. He looked at Jones and saw he wore a monocle in one eye. Also, the man's top hat had been replaced with a multicoloured flat-brimmed hat that seemed to have a pole with two wings sticking out the top. Another rumble from below made the wings spin.

"So, might I wonder where we are?" Jones asked, oblivious to the stupid-looking propeller hat he wore.

"I wonder," Smith began, "and, believe me, I'm no expert- Is this another of those worlds which isn't even a real sci-fi sub-genre, but more like an attribute of an actual on? Like, er, what was it? Spiky Heroine?"

Kris bashed him on the head with her inflatable hammer. She smiled at its surprising heft and the way it made Smith's eyes bug out of his head like a cartoon. "Spunky Heroine. And hell yeah, boys 'n' girls. This be the Comic sci-fi part o' the Loop."

"Comic sci-fi? Now what on Earth do you reckon that could mean? Will nude robo-whatchamacallit clowns go parading through the streets?"

H'ver hmphed. "I hardly see anything about that which could be construed as being comic," he said with indignance, or about as close as a robot could get to being indignant without being snippy. Hard to take him seriously when he had a big wooden sign hanging around his chassis. It said, "WILL SUCK 4 OIL."