Odd Jobs for the Undead - A Zombie For Hire Story

Chapter 24

It seemed like I was laying there for hours, exhausted and miserable. Strapped into the chair like I was, there was nothing to do but wait. Somehow, a fly had managed to get into the WexlerPharma building and all the way down to the exact same lab I was in. I was watching it flitting from Glenda's face onto a spool of my guts when the door opened. The fly, suddenly aware it might not be alone, buzzed away.

I turned my head weakly and saw Merl and Penny.

"What the fuck did they do to you, dude?" Merl asked.

"Oh...my god..." was all Penny could get out before she grabbed a waste can and started heaving into it.

"I'll tell you later. You've got to warn DeSpain and the other Gravers, there's more zombies in the building somewhere. One of the security guys told me," I said.

"Don't worry about it man. They found the cages a few floors up and took care of the problem."

I was strangely relieved and disturbed by the idea of Gravers wandering the building offing zombies. But I knew it had to be done.

"In that case, do you think you could undo these straps for me? I'd appreciate it you would mind my guts. Rather not get them back with foot prints," I said.

Merl daintily picked his way between coils of intestine to reach the chair. If it hadn't been my guts he was trying not to squish, it might have been funny. He reached the chair and squatted down next to Glenda.

"She alive?" he asked.

"Yeah. Still breathing."

He stood up and inspected the gaping wound in my torso.

"She responsible for this?"

"Nope. Did it myself. Impressive, isn't it?"

"I suppose that's one way to put it." He started working on one of the straps holding down my arm. "Man, that just might be the worst smell I've ever smelt. And believe me, I know bad smells."

He finished the arm strap and moved to the one across my chest and biceps.

"I don't think you're giving me enough credit. Name one smell that even comes close," I said.

Merl paused for a moment to think, then finished undoing the strap. "Bubonic plague," he said. "That's nearly as bad."

"When have you ever come across the plague?" I asked.

"It's a long story, I'll tell you later," he said. "Can you finish with these belts? I want to check on Penny quickly."

For a woman who works in a mortuary, Penny sure didn't seem to hold her lunch well. She'd retreated to the monitoring room and was still hugging the waste can to her chest.

"Go ahead," I said.

Merl gingerly tiptoed away. I finished freeing myself and contemplated the mess that was my digestive system. When they'd erupted from my abdomen, it tore a pretty ragged hole. I wasn't sure how I was going to get everything back in there. Or how I'd keep it in. For a second I considered just letting them go. Literally cutting them loose. It's not like I'm alive...But I do eat.

"Good thing I like puzzles," Merl said when he came back in.

"Not sure you can solve this one," I said. "Sort of has a gordian knot thing going."

My pun earned me short laugh.

"How's Penny?" I asked.

"Still pretty green in the gills. I gave her a THC chew and sent her to find a Graver or Weller to come get your friend here," he said, and kicked Sherwood sharply in the ribs.