Odd Jobs for the Undead - A Zombie For Hire Story

Chapter 15

The day was wearing on. If I started back for the warehouse, it would be nearly noon by the time I arrived. Plenty of time for the WexlerPharma driver to get the hint and move along. A light rain started up on the way, driving most of the pedestrians off the street so I traveled above ground. The drizzle became a downpour. The sudden rush of water cleared the streets of the accumulated grime and garbage, washing them into the sewers. It was a good thing I hadn't gone below. I'd once been walking the sewer line during a flash storm and been taken for a ride nearly five miles out of my way by the waters. As quickly as the rain had started, it cleared up. When I finally reached the warehouse the sun was out again to dry off the city. Even though I was soaked to the bone, I stopped at the corner of the building and looked around it. I wanted to make sure nobody was waiting for me.

No limo.

I hurried to the door and let myself in. It had been more than 12 hours since I'd eaten and I could feel my body starting to sag. I went straight to the fridge and pulled out the cooler for a meal. I was about to bite into a ripe kidney when someone right behind me said "Ms. Sherwood is waiting for you."

I jumped in surprise. The kidney slipped out of my fingers and went bouncing and skidded across the floor.

I turned around. Standing in front of me were Ffinch and another guy who was six foot something, muscles bulging the sleeves of his black suit. He had a large scar over his right eye and his nose looked like it had been broken a dozen too many times. He'd have been a scary guy if he didn't have a giant idiot grin stretched across his face. He obviously wasn't the brains of the team.

"She was afraid something might have happened," Ffinch continued. "She asked us to wait at your place to make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine," I said, turning back to the cooler and pulling out an 18 inch length of intestine. I faced the two goons again and ripped a piece of bowel off with my teeth. Some congealed blood that had settled inside the tube squirted out the bottom, splattering all of our shoes.

"Hope you don't mind if I eat while we chat," I said, chewing on the spongy tissue.

The muscle man looked like he was about to lose it, but Ffinch didn't even blink.

"Go right ahead," he told me. "We'll be happy to wait for you to finish before we take you to the office." He took a cell phone out of his pocket, speed dialed a number and raised the handset to his ear. "Bring the car around. Keep the engine running, we'll be leaving in ten minutes."

I took another bite of the intestine. Muscle head finally had to turn away. Hooray for small victories. Even if Weller hadn't already warned me not to go back to WexlerPharma, the way these two guys were acting would have made me squirrely about the gig. It takes a long time to chew through a foot and a half of bowel, so I used the time to figure out how to get away from my babysitters.

They were much too big for me to fight. If idiot boy tugged hard enough, he could probably pull my arms off my body like wings off a fly. There's only one door in or out of my warehouse, and the car was waiting on the other side. And Ffinch could probably out run me, anyway. It had to be a sneak away. The only chance I'd have would be to break free before we got into that car, then try to slip down the storm drain at the end of the block.

I finished the last bite of the intestine and could already feel my muscle tone returning, but I wanted to be in the best shape possible for my escape attempt, so I reached back into the cooler for the other kidney.

"Oh jeez! You ain't done yet?" muscle head asked, almost in a whimper.

"Almost," I promised, turning back to him and biting into the dark red organ.

The sight was too much. He put his hand over his mouth but vomit still came spraying out around his fingers.

"I hope you're going to clean that up," I said when the heaving stopped. "There's a mop and some rags in the corner."

Ffinch had a look of disgust on his face, not for what I was eating, but for the conduct of his partner. Hurling is not professional. Muscle head stood up, still looking queasy.

"Do what he says," Ffinch ordered.

Muscle head moved away from us toward the cleaning supplies. They were distracted now, I might not get a better chance.

I tossed the uneaten remains of the kidney at Ffinch, hitting him square in the chest. He caught it reflexively, then dropped it with a grimace. I was already running full out for the door. I would never make it as a track star, but I hoped the boost the protein had given me would be enough to get past whoever was waiting outside. I yanked open the door, ready to bolt, but two more six foot something dudes in black suits blocked my way.

"Hello, sir," one of them said in a deep, baritone voice. "Are you ready to leave now?"

Ffinch walked up behind me. He had out a white handkerchief and was wiping at the spot where the kidney had hit his suit.

"I think breakfast is over, Mr. Gordon," he said politely. "Joe," he called out over his shoulder. "Finish cleaning up your puke then come join us in the car."

The two WexlerPharma henchmen blocking my way snickered at Ffinch's comment. I could hear Joe swearing under his breath.

"Would you please escort our guest?" Ffinch asked the two men at the door.

"Yes sir," the one on the left said, all business again.

Each of the henchmen took me by one arm, half carrying me, half leading me, to a jet black Hummer limo idling outside the warehouse.

I looked helplessly at the storm drain down the block. It might have been ten miles away. My escorts didn't seem to have any plans to hurt me, but one way or another I was going in to work today.

Ffinch opened the door to the Hummer, stepping aside to allow me room to enter.

"Mr. Gordon," he said.

"Thanks," I mumbled back, and climbed into the car. My two escorts quickly followed me in and I found myself wedged between the two of them in the back seat.

Joe came out of the warehouse, his jacket off and his sleeves rolled up.

"You drive," Ffinch said, then got in back with the rest of us. He took a seat opposite me and buckled up.

"You're a WexlerPharma VIP, Mr. Gordon. As I understand it, you have a critical role to play in the company's next product line. Ms. Sherwood will be relieved to know you're safe and sound."

"Yeah, I'm sure she will," I agreed miserably.