Dakota in the mm
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Dakota Jolee
"Dakota Jolee Smith." Called my therapist.
Seeing the jolly smile on her face, I could cringe on the inside. I had no interest in being here or speaking at all. Though this was only every Thursday at 3:00 pm, I feel as if it was the longest hour of my life just sitting there and telling someone my life when they probably doesn't even give a shit about it.
Standing up from my seat, I walked towards her and followed her to her room which was where we held our session. I plotted on the couch she had in the center of the room as she sat on a lounge chair in front of me. I slightly slumped down in my seat with my legs open carelessly.
"How are you doing today, Dakota?" She asked with that same annoying smile on her face.
I scoffed, rolling my eyes. Noticing I wasn't in the mood, which I never am, she took a deep breath.
"Everything's fine?"
"Wonderful." I spoke, sarcastically.
She leaned over, holding the clipboard to her chest as she held the pen flicking it back and forth. I watched as she flicked it, catching my attention. The way it moved, the way she'd flick it with her thumb. That's how life was to me. Flick me back and forth because everyday I'd wake up it was always the same bullshit.
"Dakota.." She sighs. "I know you aren't interested in being here...."
"Got that right." I muttered.
"But we aren't going to get anywhere if you don't open up. You were fine a week ago. What happened?" She asked holding her hand up, confusingly. "Is it one of those days or...."
"I wouldn't say it's one of those days because I'm never in the mood but it could be one of those days when I don't wanna sit in front of someone and be the victim.." I said in a breath.
"Victim? What do you mean by that?"
"I feel like I'm always the victim. Like.. everything happens to me and everyone pities me. I don't want anyone to feel bad for me...." I cleared my throat, uncomfortable with my sudden openness.
"No, you can keep on." She smiles. "Dakota, you're doing great."
"Everytime I visit my aunt's house, I get that 'I'm praying for you, Dakota.' Or that 'Call me if you need me. I'll always be here.' Like, I don't need anyone. I don't need anyone to pray for me. I know I've been going through rough patches but I didn't think it was that serious. Everyone goes through shit and even worse than what I go through. I just wanna be left alone, honestly. I don't wanna be around anyone if they're just gonna pity me. I don't wanna be pitied. I wanna be portrayed as a woman who holds her own and is strong...... But, I'm weak. I'm weak." I spoke, whispering the last part.
"Is there a reason why you feel weak? What makes people pity you, as you say?" She asked, looking down at her clipboard after she finished writing.
"Because of what I go through...and because I was hospitalized for two weeks." I cleared my throat, tucking some of my hair behind my ear. "My father died a month ago and I couldn't cope that the right way."
"Was there a form of cope you'd use?"
"Pain."
"Elaborate."
I rolled my eyes. "Suicide. I'd cut my wrist because the pain felt good. The way my blood would fled up on my wrist was satisfying to me."
"I'm gonna ask you a serious question and though it might be uncomfortable to answer, I want you to answer it with all honesty. Alright?"
"Shoot." I shrugged.
"When was the last time you self harmed? That's how you'd cope, right?"
I nodded. "I hadn't self harmed since I was hospitalized. Haven't done it since."
"Ok." She nods slowly, writing. Once she was done, she looked up and smiled. "So, being that we have only 10 minutes of our session, I want to tell you how proud I am of you today. I see that you like to bottle up your emotions. You don't like anyone to see you act up on your feelings and that's understandable but it's okay to let someone in and it isn't good to hold your emotions inside. You have to let them out somehow but it shall never involve self harm. Suicide is never the answer and is never the solution to your problems."
"The best way to cope is to speak to someone. Tell them how you feel. Or, you can always write down how you feel. I think you'd prefer to write, huh?" She said, grinning.
I nodded, trying my best not to smile. Good thing I accomplished.
"You're a really strong girl, Dakota and don't think otherwise. The fact that you're still here, standing tall makes you who you are. A soldier." She stood up, smiling. "I'll see you next week."
Standing up, I nodded at her and walked out the room. Finally breaking out a smile I've been containing for the longest, I felt better.
A soldier.
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Back and I'm better..
Yes, I've made a ton of changes and I hope you guys are satisfied. I'm also thinking about changing Armani's character 🤔
Let me know if I should make that change and if so, give me someone who should play as Armani as well as their @ name
😚
