I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie CHAPTER 24

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CHAPTER 24

I didn’t consider myself as a slow thinker. My brain was rather quick so that I had always been the first to understand and process certain things. But now that I slid on the ground, covering my face as Dylan kicked and punched me, I couldn’t quite fathom the extent of what was happening. A barricade had shot up, keeping me from realizing that I was being violated. Again.

But this time, it was my own fault.

Maybe I should scream, I thought. Maybe I should try to defend myself. But maybe I should also wait until it was over.

Sometime between my pained groans and his hissed insults, he stopped. For a split second, I wondered whether I was still alive but when I moved my body and felt myself hurt, I figured that death couldn’t be that painful. I had always clung on to the belief that dying is nothing but finding peace. That God or whoever is up there rewards us with it for all the horrible things we have to go through in life.

I knew that it was delusional and naïve. But it was one of the only things that comforted me.

I clenched my teeth, gripping onto the wall as I pulled myself up. Tears shot in my eyes, but I held them back. There was no way that this was going to break me. I was not going to let that happen. I was not going to give up on myself.

Warm blood ran down my nose and into my mouth. The metallic taste of it almost made me throw up. But I also held that back. I held everything back and even as he stepped closer to me again, I held my fear back.

“This is not over” He whispered, shooting me a disgusted look. “You don’t get to break up with me.”

I nodded, staring at the floor as I tried to concentrate on something else, act like it wasn’t me who had to stand in front of him. This was something that I had gotten used to back in the orphanage. Pretend that I was someone else, in a better place, around better people.

Back then, I had always made myself belief that I was five again and I was at the zoo with my parents. My mum was holding me back because I insisted that I wanted to touch a lion. My father was shaking his head amusedly and I was whining because why would a lion want to hurt me? Why would anyone want to hurt me?

It was different now. Now it was Blake, and the little café, and the waterfall, and his laugh and my lame jokes that kept me together. His deep voice, telling me that he would never be able to hurt me, even if he wanted to.

“If you ever tell anyone about this, everyone will get to know the truth” He snapped as he turned around, walking towards the door. “I’m not sure if Blake will love you as much if he finds out that you’re nothing but a filthy whore”

The door fell close behind him, the loud thud echoing through my head as I finally let myself break down.

As I had many reasons to cry, I spent quite a lot of time doing it. After all, I didn’t only cry for myself. I also cried for my parents, for Blake and for the fifteen-year-old girl who had lost her mum and her dad too early, too suddenly.

Ever since I had met Blake, I hadn’t thought about my past as much as I had always done and now that my walls came crumbling down, the sadness crushed me once again with all its calamitous strength.

“No” I finally mumbled to myself, wiping the tears off of my face rather harshly. “This is not going to happen to me. Not again”

It took me a lot of self-control not to cry out in pain as I moved myself out of bed and towards the bathroom. I gripped onto the sink tightly, breathing in and out. There was a lot of pain in my stomach and back area as those were the parts where he had kicked me. My cheek was feeling fairly numb and when I looked into the mirror I could see why.