AGAIN (Girl x Girl)

II

I closed my eyes. Trying to forget all the times she called me munchkin. It was all a lie to her. Some sick joke for her to mess with my feelings. I was never one to act on my anger. I would get really angry my blood boiling in my veins and then instead of lashing out i would end up crying like a baby. I would cry when angry and right now i was at the verge of tears.

Rider seemed to notice my distress and she got off the hood of the car. She walked slowly towards me and stopped right infront of me. She cupped my cheek and i was so damn angry at her.

'What's wrong munchkin? You have that look you always had when angry'

She spoke to me. Concern lacing her voice. I hated it. I hated her. Not. She could have fooled me with that. She moved her thumb ever so slowly across my cheek and to my lips and she traced my lower lip. It felt to good too good to be true. I closed my eyes and leaned in to her hand. Wishing to unsee what i saw.

At that moment my tears fell. I cried infront of her and immediately her hands engulfed me into a hug. I just stood there. Limb. Not wanting to hug her back.

'Oh Munchkin im so sorry. I didnt mean to hurt you. I made a mistake. Please forgive me. Please take me back'

I let the tears roll freely. Daymn i was extremely angry. How could she. How could she act like she didnt just break my heart into a gazzilion pieces. I wanted to scream and shout but i cried softly. She hugged me closer to her as i cried.

'I care about you. I .. I love you munchkin. Pease give me another chance'

I could swear she was crying. How could she say she loved me and she cared. After all she did. She didn't realy think I'd believer her again did she? How stupid she thought i was. I gritted my teeth.

'You didnt care about me or love me when i walked in on you. In my own house.. My house Rider. Couldn't you have fucked her in a bar or her house?? Rider you brought another girl on my bed and I walked in on you'

I talked slowly. Not believing where that voice was coming from. I cried some more. I just couldn't wrap my little head around it.

'I made a mistake!'

She shouted at me and i flinched. How could she afford to shout at me and i was the one who was hurt. All those years we were together.  Everything we had been through. I guess what they said was true. High school love never lasts.

'And Im sorry Riley! Please forgive me. Give me another chance please'

She broke down crying also. I just couldn't.  I couldn't take her lying to me anymore.  I gave up everything for her. Moved away from home to be with her. I gave up on art school just so i could be with her. I put her first before me and there she was cheating on me in my own house. I knew i should have never given her my key.

Part of me wanted to tell her that i still loved her and that i forgave her and that i would take her back. Part of me wanted to kiss her senseless right now but i knew i couldn't. I couldn't let her. Being with her hurt just as much as being without her.

'You told her to ignore me Rider'

I spoke. Still softly and gently.

'You looked at me and told her to ignore me and you continued fucking her Rider'

I felt a fresh set of tears fall as she hugged  closer begging me to hug her back but i couldn't.

'Im sorry Riley!'

She said again. She was crying hard at this time. If only she knew how badly I wanted to comfort her and tell her it was okay i just couldn't. I sniffed.

'I forgive you Rider'

I spoke soflty into her ear and she beamed at me. She smiled and dispite the tears she still managed to take my breath away. She cuped both my cheeks this time and kissed me. I let her. It was the last time anyway. The kiss was sweet and i wanted to fall back in her arms and forget everything but i couldn't.  I pulled away.

'I forgive you Rider but i never want to see you again'

I told her and i saw her face fall. I brought my hands up and peeled her hands from me and stepped out from her embrace. I wiped my tears just as she started crying a fresh set of tears. I looked at her but i had to control myself.

'Im sorry Rider.'

I walked around her and unlocked my car. She came behind me and stopped me from entering my car.

'Please munchkin. I swear I'll do anything.  Just please dont do this to me.'

I looked down on my feet and kept quiet.  I had nothing more to tell her. I stood still waiting for her to let go of my door handle. She circled her hands around my waiste and cried against my shoulder. I hated myself for this. Why did i constantly cause people pain?

'Im sorry Riley. I want you back so bad but I'll respect your decision since its what you want.'

She spoke into my neck. She credit some more and she finally let go of me. I got into my car and started it. She backed away to give me room to leave. I knew I'd see her again but she would never be mine again. I drove off to my new apartment. I parked my car and went in.

I felt my knees grow weak and the finally let ou on my bed. I curled up in featal position and cried. Why did i have to be so ugly.  Why did everyone just leave me. Why wasnt i perfect. I cried like I'd never cried before. I wished that i had someone to love me. To tell me i was perfect. That i was pretty. I wished to be that person that someone would look at with love. But i wasnt. I was an ugly imperfect person that everyone left. Maybe i just deserved to die.

I felt my stomach grumble. I remembered i hadnt eaten in two days. I tried to ignore it but it got worse. I forced myself to wake up and go to the kitchen to find some food. I opened my refrigerator.  It was fulk but there was nothing i could eat there. All i could see was all the calories in all the food Chris had bought for me. I couldn't eat it. I shook my head and headed to my bathroom. I opened my medicine cabinet and fished out for my pills. My appetite suppressants.  I took four of them closed back the cap and walked back into my room.

I fell onto the bed and let myself travel to a restless sleep. The last thing i thought about was how i freaking hated my life.