Lucian for life

Chapter 17

Lucy's pov

"Luce, everything's going to be fine. We can get though this," Ian tried to reassure me and took my small hand in his.

"If this is something permanent, will you leave me?" I whispered with a begging voice and teary eyes.

"I would never leave you. I couldn't." Ian wiped all my tears with his thumb away and smiled at me. 

When I looked into his beautiful blue eyes, I believed him. I believed that everything would be fine again. That we could get our happily ever after. But then the reality hit me again. As I realized that I may never be able to walk again, my whole body started to shake and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

It was like I was drowning. I was gasping for air, but it couldn't fill my lungs.
All I could see were black points. I tried to look at Ian, but I couldn't see him.
I felt like the black points were building a black wall around me, which came closer and closer.

It was like I was on a bad trip. I was trapped in a nightmare with no ending. I hoped that I would wake up in Ian's bed with his arms around me. That we would go to work like always and everything's fine.

"Hey baby, calm down. You need to breathe," Ian tried to calm me down.

His voice reminded me that this wasn't a bad dream. I wouldn't wake up from this nightmare I was trapped in. From this there's no escape, no running away. This was the reality.

Ian sounded so scared and I hated myself, because I was the reason why he was so upset.
I was the reason why everyone spent a month in a hospital.

As hard as I tried to I couldn't breathe and the walls were closing me more and more in. I squeezed Ian's hand as hard as I could although it felt like my hand didn't move, let alone squeezed his hand.

Suddenly a few nurses and doctors came running into my room. I figured that Ian must've hit the help button. I saw how they pushed the love of my life out of my room and I tried as hard as I could to tell them, that I needed Ian to stay, but no words left my mouth.

I wanted to flee from this nightmare so badly. I felt how they put something on my face, gave me some medication and all of sudden I was calm again.

The black, scary wall was gone. I wasn't trapped anymore, I was free. The nightmare was over.
Before I closed my eyes, I looked at the door and hoped that Ian would come in.

I needed him so bad by my side. I was sure that with time he would grow to resent me, because I ruined his life. I'm selfish because I wanted him to always come back. I waited for him to come, but he didn't.

Ian's pov

"Hi, Holly, what are you doing out here?" I asked Holly with a fake smile after I'd gotten pushed out of Lucy's room.

"I wanted to see how Luce is. She is okay, isn't she?"

In this moment all the events of the day overwhelmed me and I started to cry. Holly hugged me and told me that everything was going to be fine.

Eventually I stopped crying and she asked "Ian, what happened?"

"Lucy," I sobbed, "at first everything was fine. She was laughing and joking. But then she tried to move her legs but nothing happened. She tried and she tried. She can't move them. Lucy can't even feel them!"

The sobs overtook me again and I cried in the older woman's arms. I can't believe what had just happened. Lucy couldn't live with herself, if I stayed with her. She would think that she's a burden to me, that I deserved something better. Even though Luce wants me to stay now, she will regret it someday.

"Mr. Harding?" a female doctor asked.

"Yeah, that's me." I answered and wiped my tears away.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Forbes. I'm neurosurgeon. Ms. Hale had a panic attack and she is sleeping now. When she wakes up I will do an MRI scan to see what's up with her legs."

"There was a chance, that if you cut out the tumor, Lucy will have to spend the rest of her life in a wheel chair, right?" Holly questioned.

"Yeah, we kinda hoped that the coma would help, but..."

"But it obviously didn't!" I yelled and cut her off mid sentence.

"We don't know anything for sure yet. When Lucy wakes up again we will ask her some questions, do a scan and test her, okay? For now she needs to rest," Dr. Forbes explained politely.

"I am sorry for cutting you off and for yelling at you," I apologized.

"Don't worry, it's fine. I can understand that you are upset." With that the doctor walked away.
"We should go and tell the others," Holly suggested.

I just nodded. I couldn't believe what was happening. A few months ago we started to date, told the cast about us, had to date in secret, had a lot of fights but also the best time of our lives.

Lucy told me about her past, we were fighting and she had a car accident. I sat at her hospital bed a whole month, held her hand and talked to her like she was really there. I realized how lost I was without her.

Now she might never be able to walk again. All of this happened in a few months.
Were we crazy to think that this could work?
Am I the reason why she's here?

If we wouldn't have been fighting, Luce wouldn't have been in the accident. None of this would have ever happend if I hadn't kissed her in the first place.