The Madness of Benzene

Chapter 1 - I am jealous

Len's POV

"I think that's it for today, Kagamine-san."

I heard producer's voice on the speakers. Everybody in the studio was very silent. Because I failed. Again. I couldn't sing that part of the song.

I sighed. No matter how hard I tried, it wouldn't do. It has been almost six months since I stopped singing. I couldn't find rhythm in the song, my voice would sound awful and I would always forget the lyrics.

"Why are you always the one to ruin the song?!" I heard a mean voice. It was Lily, of course. "We can sing it perfectly except you! You don't deserve to be called a Vocaloid at all!"

"Calm down, Lily..." Miku said. "He's not doing this on purpose."

"Yes, but still, if you're not qualified for this job, you should just give up!" Lily replied. She turned her eyes towards me. Her angry and kind of evil look froze me.

"I'm sorry..." I somehow managed to say that, like every other time before, but it couldn't fix anything. It's a fact. I can't sing anymore.

This was supposed to be a nice Christmas song. Producer wanted to release it until then. There was a few of us in all this. Except me, there are also Miku, Lily, Ia and Gakupo. It's a strange combination, but it should have sounded well. If only Rin was here everything would be better... But she's busy with other producers. Unlike me, her singing sounds better and better every day. Almost every producer wants her voice in their songs. Soon, she could be as popular as Miku.

And then, there's me, who can't do anything well. This song is the last one. Nobody wants me in their music anymore. And I understand that. But still... I'm also a bit angry at them. They used to adore me before. Now it's as if I have never been even a bit popular.They all forgot so easily about that...

"Producer-san!" Lily's voice woke me from my thoughts. "You should find someone else to take Len's place! I can't stand this anymore!"

No, please, no... This is my last chance... Please...

"I can't do that. His part of the song was made exactly for his voice (the way it sounded before). If I take a different Vocaloid, he wouldn't fit in this role" I felt a relief when Producer said this. But then, his voice became worried and dark. "But Christmas is next month. If you don't learn to sing again, Kagamine-san, I'm sorry to tell you that I'll have to change you..."

I could feel something in my stomach, like a beast who was trying to eat me from inside. I don't know if that heat in my eyes meant that I had started to cry, but I was looking at my feet so no one could see my tears if they were there.

"I think we should call Shion-san. He can show you how to sing again" Producer gave us that idea. Yeah, an idea that almost killed me.

"N-No!" I mumbled. "He's not needed..."

"Why not, Len-kun?" Miku said. "Kaito-senpai is so talented and his voice if beautiful. And he's very kind, he'll show you how to sing surely!"

Her cheeks were slightly red and her eyes had some new shine while she was talking about Kaito. She has never looked like that when she spoke about me.

I can't let Kaito teach me. Anybody's fine except him! He's always so perfect at everything and I am nobody compared to him... Even in my best days he was still much better than me. If I let him teach me, it would be his final win! He's my worst rival.

"Please... I'll do that on my own... I don't need his help..." I said and left the studio.

I went home after that.
Lily's words weren't leaving my head. They were sitting there in my every thought and silently screaming at me. I tried singing again... But it didn't work. I tried again; I've put all my knowledge and concentration in it. Still, it was the same.

I sat on my bed. There really isn't any hope for me after all.

I was made to sing. There was nothing more to my existence. If I lose my ability to sing, I'll lose my reason to live too...

"Why do I even have to sing after all?" I said to myself.

And I still wonder, what is the meaning of singing?
Suddenly, a book fell from the shelf. A stray cat was standing there and looking at me with its big eyes. All windows were closed, so I didn't know how it had entered the house...It had some strange look. It seemed like it was smiling at me. I stood up to take the book when I saw word written in it:

PARADICHLOROBENZENE

When I looked up again, the cat had already disappeared. It wasn't in the house at all. Almost like a dream. But the book was still here.

And somehow, everything came to me.

I don't need a reason to sing at all.
I want to sing. I want them to understand that. I want them to accept me. I want everything back. I can't stand to see them singing. I want them to stop. I hate it when they are so happy and I am not. I wish they could all disappear.

I AM JEALOUS.