Exercises in semantics

Chapter 20 - Back to reality

We ate at a small restaurant tucked between old stone buildings, the terrace lit by strings of lights and the sound of laughter spilling from nearby tables. I told him of my childhood summers by the sea. He told me about the first time he'd been to Provence, years ago, photographing winemakers and sleeping in his car.

It was easy, the way conversation slipped into small silences that didn't need filling.

On the walk back, the streets were nearly empty, washed in warm lamplight. He carried his camera again, saying he wanted to capture the night air, the glow on the cobblestones. It seemed out of character so suddenly.

"Could you show me please?" I asked him when he lowered the camera.

He turned the display toward me, but I barely looked at the picture. I looked at him instead and the faint smudge of lamplight on his neck, the concentration still softening his face.

"You see things differently" I told him, as if the revelation finally got to me. That's his job, Liz, I had to remind myself.

"Maybe," he murmured. "Or maybe I just take longer to look".

My breath caught in my throat. For a split second, I thought he might kiss me right there in the empty street. But he only smiled, and the moment quickly dissolved into the night.

Back in the room, I sat on the edge of the bed, my heart restless. The open window let in a warm wind that smelled of dust and flowers.

"I had a nice day, thank you" I said slowly.

"Me too. I had a nice trip all in all..." he said, trailing off at the end.

"All in all?"

"I mean, seeing my family is always complicated, and we had our bumps too, but I'm glad we adressed the issues finally"

"Yeah, me too..." I said biting my lip.

"So we can go back to boundaries and normal in the States" he said with a bitter smile.

"I guess I should start packing then" I hurried.

He just nodded silently, and went to his side of the room, folding neatly his clothes and equipment.

I tossed and turned for most of that night, his words resonating in my head. Was it possible to go back to normal? I guess we would have to see for ourselves.

After an almost sleepless night, and by the looks of him, for both of us, we were standing on the train platform with our bags, each one of us lost in their own thoughts.

As soon as we got to our seats, my head instinctively fell on his shoulder and I slept like a baby for the remainder of our route.

The entire airplane ride went smoothly as we were perched on one another, intertwined, dozing off completely.

When we arrived back home, he gave me an awkward hug.

"Seriously?" I asked.

"Well what do you want me to do? You don't like my hugs?"

What did I want him to do? His hug only held promises of something else, that I tried burrying deep inside.

"I guess it will take time getting used to this new normal...or old normal, whatever it is" I said, picking my bag and heading to the taxi station. "See you around, Vince" I said, giving him a peck on the cheek before getting into my taxi, exhausted.

"Are you going to tell me what happened back there or do I have to get it out of you with pliers?" Josh was sitting across the table with his arms crossed.

I looked at my half empty glass, aware of his prying gaze. It's been days and I haven't said a word to him about the trip.

"It was a nice break I guess...I met his family" I sad and saw Josh's eyes go wide.

"Well? And?"

"They were...particular. They were nothing like how I imagined them to be. I always thought he would be this snotty private school boy but... he's been through the grits"

Josh leaned back in his seat taking a huge gulp of his beer. "That is unexpected...how did they react to you?"

"His mother didn't bat an eye and his brother well....we kinda had a moment -"

"Wait wait wait, what do you mean 'a moment'?"

"Nothing like that we just...cuddled and fell asleep and then Vincent got really jealous, but we worked it through"

"...was he at least hot?" Josh said with a devilish grin.

"Oh God yes, you have no idea" I said, covering my reddening face with my hands, until we both burst into laughter.

"But the rest I mean, you said you've spent a romantic dream holiday in Provence and then decided to....be sex buddies?" He cocked an eyebrow trying to understand.

"It's for the best. It was nice and dreamy but I need stability. We haven't spoken since coming back. It's been weeks. I don't even know if he's in the city right now" I said, swirling my drink furiously. " I really wish I knew what's going on in that head of his, but I understand him even less now I'm afraid".

"Liz, listen to me when I say this, and I mean it as a friend - just forget about him. Remember the good times, and move on. Here, let's find someone for you tonight" he said with a wink, turning to look around at the bar. It was mostly college students and suspicious looking older folk downing their drinks at the counter.

"I think we might need to change the watering hole for that. And I'm just not in the mood, I'm sorry"

"Alright alright, but you can't mope forever. Also Mia and me are going on a vacation too, following your footsteps, thank you very much for asking. Except we're two adults who are in a relationship and not running away" he said sheepishly.

"Oh my god is that true? I'm so happy for you guys, truly. You really deserve someone committed".

"You do too, don't forget that" he said, leaving to get another round.

I mulled his words in my head. He was right, as usual. I thought at least after our little vacation that things would be more transparent between Vincent and me, but he's apparently gone back to his old ways. I turned over my phone in my hands, feeling its weight.

And then I decided to do the only sensible thing - delete his contacts. If he wanted to see me he would have to call first, but I was done being hung up on him.