In Between Calms and Storms

Chapter 19

It's devastating to hear that once again, a strong typhoon has shaken our fears. Please stay safe, everyone. We've been through storms before, and we'll get through this one together too.

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Recit

I never thought this day would come. Me, admitting that I like Ryx, and him, suddenly confessing to me in the middle of the fucking rain.

Aaminin ko, ang layo-layo niya sa taong magugustuhan ko man. When I used to like someone before, I thought that maybe because we had a lot of similarities.

His lifestyle was the same with mine, and maybe something inside me clicked with that thought. Na kaya ako nagkagusto roon dahil alam kong magkakaintindihan kami sa mga bagay.

But even so... isn't that what it's supposed to be?

That of course, you're going to like someone who you think you'll get along with.

But then when Ryx came into the picture, I started to think that maybe similarities aren't just the basis of liking someone.

Ang dami kong ayaw doon, sa totoo lang. He's messy, he's always late, he eats a lot of unhealthy foods, he parties a lot, and he's so clumsy with a lot of things. Everything that I don't do.

Sa ilang buwan naming pagkakilala, masasabi kong ang dami talaga naming pinagkaiba.

He's outgoing and has a lot of friends at school, while I'm used to just having a small circle. Sa bahay naman, his house is messy and loud. While I've always lived with peace and harmony in my condo, of course, with my perfect daily, weekly, and monthly routines.

Ang routine lang ata noon sa buhay ay ang mag-party tuwing Friday night.

Kaya naman, ang tagal kong maamin sa sarili ko na gusto ko siya. And maybe the root of not admitting wasn't just because of our differences... but maybe because I never thought... he'd also feel the same.

Sa sobrang pinagkaiba ng buhay namin, hindi ko aakalaing magkakasundo kami sa isang bagay.

At ang pagkagusto sa isa't-isa pa.

"Oh, bakit basa kayo?" Reis, who was obviously drunk asked when we walked to them.

Wala na sila sa munting stage at nandito na sa pool area ng resort. The rain also stopped but they managed to put a temporary roof already.

Nakabihis na rin ang lahat at mukhang handa nang mag-party lalo na't lagpas hatinggabi na.

Dmitri was looking at us like a hawk. Pilit kong iniiwasan ang tingin niya. Ang singkit niyang mga mata ay lalong sumingkit habang nakatingin sa amin.

I sighed.

"Magbibihis na muna ako," iyon lang ang sabi at paalam ko sa kanila.

I didn't bother looking at everyone's confused faces. Dumiretso ako sa mga nakahilerang kwarto ng resort at hinanap ang kwarto namin ni Reis.

We've already sorted our room assignments earlier and since tig-dalawa ang sa isang room, kami ni Reis ang nagsama.

I sighed and looked at myself in the mirror after taking a bath.

What am I going to do now?

Oo, inamin ko na sa sarili ko. But... am I brave enough to express it?

Hindi ko alam.

My first time discovering this became a trauma. It didn't end well. Umabot lang sa puntong hindi ko na alam kung paano umakto.