In Between Calms and Storms

Chapter 07

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Few days before the last week of the month, hindi ako makapaniwalang halos isang buwan na rin ako rito. It was both like a fast-forward but also a slow-mo. Hindi ko ma-explain ng maayos.

There are days when it feels like it's too long, minsan ay parang ang dali lang din matapos ng araw.

I'm still having a hard time adjusting, sa iba't-ibang bagay. Pagko-commute, living alone, and basically surviving on my own.

Grabe. The old Xiel wouldn't have believed it.

Alam kong maraming studyanteng nangangarap na maging ganito ang college life nila—although if not all, then some—because for once, I also wished to be here when I was just a high school student.

They want to experience standing up on their own, na gusto nilang hindi na umasa sa mga magulang nila at tumayo sa sarili nilang mga paa. They want to be independent and show people that they can be independent, too. For some living alone is a dream.

There's something about the idea of independence that excites us. We imagine living alone, cooking our own meals, managing our own schedules, and building a life that we can proudly say is ours.

Experiencing it now, maraming nagpagulat sa akin. Minsan nga, gusto ko nalang umuwi. Kasi sobrang hirap pala magsimula nang ikaw lang mag-isa. Yet it isn't destructive, it is rather formative. It's becoming.

It is scary, but fear is the first step of growth. Especially when it comes to coming out of your comfort zone to embrace the unknown.

"Ang lethal talaga ng face card mo, alam mo 'yon?"

I sighed and lazily looked at Kio. Mahina siyang natawa.

"Seryoso nga," pang-uulit niya pa.

Inamin niya na rin sa 'kin nang mas lalo kaming naging close na kaya raw niya ako kinausap no'ng first day of classes ay dahil daw amazed na amazed siya sa mukha ko.

"Parang tanga talaga. May mukha ka rin naman," reklamo ko dahil nahihiya ako, slight.

"Tingnan mo kasi 'yung features mo. Mestizo, ang puti mo, pero hindi 'yung point na maputla tingnan. Namumula ka pa kapag naiinitan! Hindi soft or hard 'yung features mo. Defined 'yung eyebrows, mataas 'yung ilong, ganda pa ng kulay ng mga mata mo."

Na-amaze ako dahil sobrang detailed niyang mag-point out. Sabi niya sa 'kin, 'yung passion niya talaga ay nasa field ng fashion design at modelling kaya hindi nakakapagtaka.

"Hindi ako pwedeng gawing doll," banta ko kaagad, dahilan para matawa siya.

"Oo na." Umayos siya ng upo at humarap sa 'kin. He even tilted his head while looking at me as if I were an equation. "Iba kasi talaga. Like, kapag nagkasalubong tayo sa hallway, lilingon ulit ako sa 'yo."

I chuckled. "Ikaw rin naman, ah?"

If my features are neither soft nor hard, Kio's features are on the soft side. Maputi rin siya, nags-stand out pa nga dahil kulay abo ang buhok niya! And did I mention that he has green eyes? May lahi daw 'yung papa niya.

"Alam mo 'yung term na 'yon? Hindi pa kasi siya masyadong known, or like, hindi masyadong nagagamit dahil hindi nila alam paano i-label."

"Androgynous?"

He nodded. "Yep," he said, popping the 'p'.

"Marami kasing mga tao na 'yung pagde-define ng features at physical appearance ng isang tao, either masculine o feminine lang. Hindi naman masama, convenient para sa iba dahil madali mag-distinguish. Pero alam mo 'yon? Parang may nakalagay na limit."