Survive ( twd carlgrimes)

Chapter 22

The words feel sour on my tongue. Maybe even wrong but I don't care, I'm too angry too think. Too angry to wonder if my words are even true.
With that, I walk out of the room without another word before my mother can stop me.

The next emotion hits me by surprise as I feel a lump form in my throat and I clutch at my chest as if trying to hold my heavy heart in place, trying to save it the pain of dropping and shattering into a million pieces. I force myself to keep it together until I reach my room and I struggle hard to fight off the tears.

I fight agains the blurry door handle but when I finally yank it open and close it quickly behind me I blink the tears from my eyes. I feel relief wash over me that Abbie isn't still in here, she shouldn't have to see this. I lean against the door to catch my breath, to gather my thoughts but there are too many running around in my head. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to fight. I want to run. I slide down the door and onto the ground.

A sob breaks through my chest and I bury my face in my hands. I'm so pathetic. I never cry! What is wrong with me? Why can't I keep my shit together for two fucking minutes. If I'm not screaming at someone or attacking them then I'm crying.
So stupid! So weak!

Maybe if I pretend i'm not here then I can pretend this didn't happen. I want to pretend that the ground would split open and swallow me whole or that this was all just one big horrible dream and when I wake up everything will go back to normal.

But pretending is for kids and I never had a chance to be one, neither did Ben or Nick or Abbie. Especially Abbie.
She ruined everything for us.
I feel the tears building up inside me again, just as they did earlier when Carl was around but this time I don't try to hide it, I let them come and hope that once I cry properly I won't cry again. Ever!

I'm not sure how much time passes while I take the time I need to pull myself together again but eventually I get back up to my feet and throw on my clothes. I've been sitting in that towel for far too long.

I hear voices from outside the door.
"She never told us that her dad left, she just said he died. How did he die?" It sounds like Ricks voice.
"She told me. She said that her dad left and died in a car crash later that day." Even if I hadn't recognized Maggie's voice I'd know it was her, she's the only one I told the full story to.

"When did she tell you?" Rick asks.
"When we were back in those buildings next to the train-carts. I was cutting her hair."
"Guys, can we just leave her alone until tomorrow? Everyone heard the yelling. She's obviously upset so lets just leave her be. We can't just bust in there and start questioning her." I recognize this voice as if i've known it for years.
Carl.

I feel a swarm of gratitude towards Carl as he protects me. He's been very patient with me, I don't deserve it. But I'm selfish so I'll take it because I don't want to talk about my dad and I definitely don't want to talk about my mom.

"Rick, Carl is right. You can interrogate her tomorrow instead." Maggie says, her tone turns sour towards the end.
"I just don't understand her. She has too many secrets. She's not safe. I don't trust her!" He grumbles.

"Dad, you already said she could stay." Carl groans.
"Not if she-"
"Rick, these are secrets to her too. She's only finding them out now. We'll learn about them tomorrow. She's just a kid, leave her be." Maggie fires back.
"How many more secrets does she have Maggie? That's what I want to know. I bet we don't know the half of it. Kid or no kid, she's got the temper of a bull and it's gonna get us all in trouble. We need to know now what her mother told her. They're not safe to be around." He argues.

"Rick-"
"No. I'm finding out..."
I step away from the door as I hear footsteps approach it.
"Jesus dad! Stop!"
The footsteps are suddenly halted only feet from the door.