Messages I did not send you, Avery

Always yours

I will never forget that morning. A different kind of silence woke me up. It was not the silence of someone sleeping, but of someone who had passed away. I opened my eyes and knew immediately. The room held its breath. Even the creaking of the wood had fallen silent. I sat up slowly and saw her: her motionless body, her serene face, her lips forming a calmness that I could not attain.

There were no cries, no pain. Just her, resting, as if the world had finally given her the respite she deserved. And I, paralysed, couldn't believe that the being who had filled my life with light was no longer breathing, that the laughter that accompanied me at night had been silenced.

On the bedside table was a folded sheet of paper, slightly crumpled as if she herself had caressed it while writing. With trembling hands, I picked it up and opened it. The letter was her voice, an impossible bridge that pierced my soul:

My love, if you are reading this, it means that I have left before we could walk together towards everything we dreamed of. 

Every moment with you was a miracle, every laugh, every shared tear, every caress... made me feel that life was worth living. I chose you, I always chose you, and every moment with you was a gift that I will treasure wherever I go. I love you more than words can express. 

Promise me that you will continue living, even if you miss me. Promise me that you will take me with you in every step, in every heartbeat, and that you will not let pain erase our history. 

Thank you for choosing me, thank you for loving me. 

Always yours, Avery."

My chest broke into a thousand pieces. The tears came without warning, first silently, then in a torrent that made me tremble and fall to my knees beside her bed. I held that letter as one holds the last proof that true love exists, while my world collapsed around me.

I sat down beside her, taking her cold hand in mine, and allowed myself to cry like never before. I cried for her laughter, for her caresses, for the moments I thought would last forever and slipped away like sand through my fingers. I cried for everything we couldn't experience, for the sunrises we wouldn't share, for the futures that vanished.

But I also cried with gratitude. For having loved her, for having been loved, for every moment that belonged to us. Even in the deepest sadness, there was beauty: having had someone like Avery was a gift that the world could not take away from me.

I lay down next to her, hugging her body that could no longer move, and I felt that, somehow, she was still there, in every heartbeat that still echoed within me, in every thought, in every memory that brought a smile to my face between sobs.

I spoke to her, even though she couldn't answer. I told her that I loved her, that I missed her, that I would live with her in every second that remained of my life. And as I did so, I felt her love sustaining me, crossing the distance that death had placed between us, continuing to beat in my heart like a beacon that could not be extinguished.

Over time, I learned to walk again, even though every step reminded me of what I had lost. Every gesture, every decision, every laugh I shared with the world bore her name engraved in silence. And although the emptiness was immense, every memory was a thread that connected me to her, a thread that would never break.

Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I still feel her beside me. I feel her smiling, holding my hand, telling me that everything is alright. And I know, with a certainty that even pain cannot erase, that we will meet again. Until then, I carry her with me, in every moment, in every heartbeat, and I love her as I always have: without measure, without reserve, forever.

And I know, with the same certainty with which I knew I would love her from the first day on the beach, that we will meet again.

(***)

Sometimes I look at the sea and smile, because I know that somewhere, beyond the horizon, you are there.

Waiting for me.

Always yours Avery.

Always.