•broken suicidal•(on Hold)

3

After getting everything,I walked through the halls and not a single shattered peice of case was visible on the floor.

I cleaned the vase, btw sorry that I yelled at you awhile ago..he said looking at me, I immediately broke our eye contact.im not used to having eye contact that long.

After he thought me almost everything,he left. Honestly I wasnt expecting that he will be coming here and teaching me almost everything.

Maybe he pity me.

Everyone does. My self conscious reminded me again.

I dont know why my head process this kinds of words,I dont know its capable of doing this. It's kinda creepy,but you'll get use to it.Like I do.

I headed to my room and lay back at my bed looking at the ceiling.

Im so confused.

As always.my self conscious said.

One more and my mind will drive me craze again.

Luckily, somebody knocks at my door.

Come in! I said.

I sat down and saw staceys' figure..

So,how was...harry??was he mean?sorry I didnt checked on the two of you a while ago I was sleeping, it was very exhausting back at the mall..she said.

He wasnt mean,honestly I didnt expected he would come here...I said, I didnt said that I broke the vase, I am too burn out to discuss the situation.maybe tomorrow,neh..I'll just replace it.

I yawn, and that inform stacey im tired, I like how easily she could feel things and understand it.

Seems like somebody's sleepy, take a rest tomorrow's a big day for yah kid!she said and giggled her way out of my room.

I looked at my clock its already past 11, I forced my self to sleep.

But I just cant manage to. I dont know why,but i need to sleep there is still classes tomorrow,and I still need to have the energy for my pe class,I kinda hate pe..im more a academic kind of person,I kinda hate how it feels to be like this,the feeling is kind of weird and new.

It makes me want to cut...

Cut..

Yes, you need it.it's the only way to feel free.The little voice said

As if controlling me,I stood up and ramaged through my table and saw a sharpener.

Yes..pencil sharpener..

I un screwed the screw on it,I successfully removed the blade,feeling numb as I brush it through my pale flesh.

Numb,feeling that im already fond of.

The only way to escape from a world so awful.

As I close my eyes I could feel the emptiness that is imbrasing me and I welcome it.

I watch as my veins pump blood.

Im so sick of this routine,I just cant help doing this anymore,im slowly drowning in an ocean full of breathing people surrounding me.

As if the darkness has locked me up.I cant pull my self up.

I need help.

I need someone,but all this years in the darkness ive been use to what is happening.

After years of waiting and hoping that someone would find me and pull me up,no one came.

I dont know the reason to survive and live anymore,but here I am suffering.

Im lost....

As I sat on my bed staring at the blank white wall,nothing but memories of people who destroyed me flashed back.

People who doesnt even care about anything but themselves.

Society is an awful place to go.

I wonder if other people feels how I feel right now?

I hope not,they'd be feeling a lot of pain right now.

I opened my notebook where in I write my poems,where I pour everything in,where I let my mind and heart be free,where I could go when no one is there to help me.

It's my escape from the cruel world and the awful demons.

I wrote with my emotion...

6-7-15 1:12am

"Abuse by my own mind"
-me

I was so frighten,
To be beaten.
By my own thought,
I know I fought.

But it's so hard,
I was dragged.
By love itself,
By the memory shelf.

I cried,
While people just lied.
It wasnt amazing,
It was horrifying.

Something so beautiful,
But at the same time so harmful.
Oh,what a world truly it is.
It's like a big fat fist.

By that I fell asleep,and wish that everything would be alright..

Even though I know it wont.

But I still have hope.

Hoping to be rescued.

Author's p.o.v
I hope you like this,if ever you feel like this you could always talk to me..
On intagram,my accounts are:
@charm_styles (personal)
@ too.much.narry.here(fan account)
Or here on wattpad...
Stay strong everyone.. Remember I care.