Elephants Plotting against Me #WITWContest

Prompt: My Talking Pet is Plotting against Me

I'm a normal guy. I have never been especially popular, or handsome, or athletic. I was good enough in school to go to college, and then in college a few things changed. I met my girlfriend. She is adorable. When my roommate moved cities, my girlfriend came to live with me. I love it. She wants to have a dog, and I don't, but other than that, we rarely argue. Everything was going fine until this morning.

I get up, look in the mirror, and see an elephant. He is light gray, a bit plump and has droopy ears. He looks crinkled.

"Hello," he says. "I'm the elephant. Just treat me like a pet." With these words, he stomps out of the mirror and makes his way into the living room.

"I don't want a pet," I say.

"Tough luck," the elephant answers. "But you can't get rid of me. I am you."

"You are me?"

The elephant turns around clumsily. "I know you like to avoid things, but this is not something you can avoid. I'm your soul animal."

"Why am I an elephant?"

The elephant shrugs.

"If you're my soul animal, why don't I recognize you?"

"I am just a normal elephant," the elephant says.

"What's your name?"

"The elephant."

I can't believe it. Why am I such a bland creature?

"Maybe you need to develop more characteristics", the elephant says, flopping down on the sofa." A cloud of dust spreads out. "Sorry, it's hard to get the dust out of my wrinkles."

But I'm still stuck on his personality. "There must be things you like," I say.

"I like coffee in the morning." He drags his words. "I like ice cream. I like strolls. I am very content. Unlike him," he says and points to the kitchen.

A dark, almost black elephant is brewing coffee in the kitchen.

"Who the hell is that?"

"That's Grumpy," the elephant says. "He's also part of you. He's usually offended or in a bad mood. Or both."

"Grrr..ugh!" says Grumpy.

"But he is very much in love with Pretty. Look how he stares at her."

"Who's Pretty?" I feel left out.

"Your girlfriend's soul animal. The curvy pony with the painted hooves."

I follow Grumpy's gaze and see a horse's hindquarters sticking out from under a desk.

"I lost my pen," Pretty says as she looks over her shoulder at us. She bats her eyelashes.

The grumpy elephant in the kitchen turns slightly red. His coffee is ready, but he can't seem to take his eyes off the pony. The pony blows him a kiss.

"How old is he? Thirteen?" I ask, slightly embarrassed.

"No, I'm thirteen!" A comparatively slim and wrinkle-free elephant comes down the hallway. "I'm forever thirteen!"

"Let me guess. You're also part of me?"

"Yep!" the youngster says. "Just treat me like your favorite."

"Can someone just tell me what's going on here?" I'm starting to get angry. Grumpy gives me a thumbless thumbs-up from the kitchen.

The elephant on the sofa sits up straight.

"If you had paid attention in class last week, this would be way easier," he says. "Does Socrates mean anything to you?"

"The Greek philosopher?"