Explosive

06 || I'm Not Okay

Narrowing my eyes at him, I ask, "A little what?"

"Just, she did some stuff. You should be careful around her."

"What do you mean?" I say, curious about his vagueness.

"Look, I'm just telling you to watch your back if you want to be friends with her," he hisses. Sensing anger in his tone, I think it's better not to push any further. I retrieve my textbook from the table and get back to work. You can never tell with Josh, sometimes he is sweet, while at other times he can be rude. His phone buzzes and for the first time, I see him blush. "Crap," he mutters.

"Is everything okay?" Josh is smiling so I relax. "Is it someone special?"

"Yeah, something like that," Josh responds, his thumbs sliding across the screen.

I smirk. That's when my phone buzzes inside my pocket. Detective Glenda is calling me. "Hey, is this Audrey?"

"Yeah," I say, my heart hammering in my chest.

"I just wanted to ask you about that drawing," she says, her voice all business.

"I'm still working on it," I lie. "Did you get any more leads? Like any cameras in the surrounding area?" She's quiet for a couple of seconds.

"You have my email, right? Just do what we asked and leave the rest to us. We're going to figure out who did this, okay?"

"Okay." I hang up just as my aunt comes in through the door, her hands gripping plastic bags full of groceries. "Hey, do you need help?"

"It's alright. Why don't you take your homework upstairs? I know it can be hard working down here with toddlers running around," she says. "I'll call you when dinner is ready."

"Thanks," I answer, though I'm not really hungry.

It's shortly after 11 when I come back downstairs, my blanket wrapped around my shoulders and my hands gripping my sketchbook. Everybody is fast asleep except for Josh who is typing away furiously at his computer, occasionally letting out a few grumbles. Quietly I head to the kitchen and then out onto the balcony. Taking in the dark night, I breathe in the fresh air and grin.

At one end of the balcony there is an expensive looking barbecue and on the other is a patio swing. "Nice," I whisper to myself. Pulling out my phone, I plug in my headphones and get lost in a Backstreet Boys song. Under the light of the moon, I start drawing the tattoo to the best of my abilities. Several times I rip the page out and roll it up into a ball, frustrated that I can't remember how the tattoo looked like exactly. My tears smudge the pencil marks on some of the sheets of paper.

I think I fall asleep a couple of times, despite the chilly September night, only to be awoken by the sound of a car alarm or someone's loud music. The sun is just slightly above the horizon when I finally get the tattoo to look right "Mom!" My blurry vision lands on a panicked Josh, wearing basketball shorts. "I found her!" He pulls the sketchbook away from my hands, slamming it shut before pulling the blanket tight around me.

"Oh dear. Help me get her inside," my aunt says, her face etched with worry, making her look much older than she actually is.

"I finished drawing the tattoo," I mutter but they ignore me as they lead me inside. My uncle is sitting at the kitchen table, reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.

"I told you she didn't run away. She's way too soft to be on the streets," my uncle spits, his eyes filled with hatred.

"Not right now, Peter," his wife responds as she guides me into a chair. "Josh get her a cup of water." As I sip, they all watch me intensely. Even my uncle is quiet. "Audrey, did you spend the whole night outside?" Not knowing what to say, I nod feebly and think that I should have said no.

"Were you awake the whole night?" Josh asks, cautiously, his voice low. He usually stays quiet at the table whenever his Dad is sitting at it.

"I don't think so," I answer honestly. "I fell asleep a few times."

"Audrey, you do realize that this is not okay," my aunt says softly. Staring at the cup in my hands, I feel my uncle's penetrating gaze on me, fearful of what he might say next.

"I'm really sorry," I whisper finally.

"I'm getting late for work. I don't have time for this," my uncle says, his voice empty from emotion. "By the way, Josh. You are coming with me on Sunday to do some work at the office." It makes me angry how he orders his family around.

"But I have a game coming up. And I have to practice with the team at the community center."

"We have gone over this before. Why do you persist in wasting time playing basketball when you know your future lies as a lawyer? You will be going to law school, not playing basketball." My uncle closes his eyes, trying to keep his cool. Giving his wife a peck on the cheek, he disappears before Josh can respond.

It's a long time before my aunt says something. "It's okay. He'll come around."

"Like he always does, right?" Josh says, more to himself than to his mom.

She must have caught my look of confusion. "Josh wants to play basketball after high school," she says, her eyes distant.

"That's cool. He has the height part covered," I say with a yawn, not quite sure what I'm saying.

"Audrey, I know you said that you don't need to talk to anyone but I know this great -"

"Aunt Jane, I'm fine. I really am. It's just that I lost track of time." Saying it out loud, I realize that it's not true. My world is falling apart and just like I'm scrambling to find words to explain my behavior, I'm trying to put it back together.

"You can talk to the guidance counselor at Lakewood. Josh worked with her in his freshman year." She sits across from me as Josh goes to the sink.

"Mom, she said she's fine. Besides, she already goes to physio," he says through a mouthful of cereal.

She raises her hand to silence him. "It's my responsibility to take care of you and you will be talking to the guidance counselor tomorrow. I'll book the appointment today." I'm tired and just want to go to bed, so I agree.

"I have to get ready for school," I whisper and start to move away from the table.

"Uh, I don't think so. You need to go to bed. School can wait." I want to tell her that I'm already behind in my classes but seeing the look on her face, makes me back down and trudge up the stairs.

I thought I was okay. I thought I was moving forward, not slowly spiraling into a pit of darkness. An inescapable darkness. One that I don't mind getting lost in.

|| Author's Note ||

Hey, thanks for reading. Much appreciated. I'm sorry for the lack of excitement but I promise it will pick up soon. Again thanks for reading and peace out. :)

Btw, feel free to point out any errors. I did a quick run through of this chapter but I might need to do it again.