The Process of Patching Hearts

Chapter 22 - Moving On

July 2010

There were three things Lorraine knew she needed to do before taking her relationship with Holden to the next level. First buy a new dress, second get a haircut and third say goodbye to Keith.

With one and two currently accomplished (she'd picked up a black halter dress at Macy's the day before and went to see Clara's hairdresser Simone who she swears gives the best styles. Lorraine had to admit she was rather pleased with her now layered shoulder length look with sexy bangs that just brushed her eyes) that left only Keith. Since Clara had agreed to take the girls for the day anyway and she wasn't seeing Holden until three she decided that morning was the perfect opportunity to visit the cemetery.

Lorraine took the girls once a year on Father's Day to visit their dad; she also dropped by on his birthday and their anniversary. But today was different from those times, her life was different. She carried in her hand a bouquet of wildflowers and was pleased to see it was mostly empty when she arrived. Keith had been buried in his family's plot right alongside his grandparents. The stone was a marble grey that read "Keith J. Callahan – Loving Husband and Father April 15, 1982 – October 9, 2007."

Kneeling she laid the flowers alongside the grave and brushed off some of the dirt and grass clippings.

They had been happy together even during the scary times, like when she found out she was pregnant. He could always make her smile and laugh and complimented her even when she looked like crap. Lorraine loved waking up next to him, cooking breakfast, kissing him before he left to go to work. She missed staying up late talking, the knowing looks they shared and how they could always read each other's minds. But most of all she missed how every time it would rain, he'd call, "Hey Raine look outside, you'll never guess what it's doing!"

Lorraine really needed him after her parents died. He was there to pick up the pieces and offer comfort and support. Helped her with the funeral arrangements and figured out what to do with all their possessions and valuables.

Losing him was even harder than when she lost her parents. It was so unexpected, too horrible to comprehend. She didn't know what to do. But she had two daughters to take care of so feeling sorry for herself wasn't really an option. The anger was always there, but today she was letting it go. She knew if given the choice he'd be here right now raising Lucy and Lydia with her. Every day they reminded her of him, and she was thankful to still have a piece of him around.

But now she had to say goodbye...for good.

"Hey Keith," she said, placing a hand on the warm stone. "It's me, Raine. I know I haven't visited in a while. Sorry, things have been crazy. I lost the house." She paused wondering how to go on, "I know you loved that house but with you gone I just wasn't making enough. I found a cabin just outside of town; the girls seem to like it fine." She stopped again looking up at the dark grey storm clouds overhead, she hoped it would rain, "And also, I've met someone. His name is Holden Rothschild. He owns a plumbing business. He treats me really well, Keith, and adores the girls. You'd like him, I think. I never thought after losing you I could ever feel this way again, but I do. I think, no, I know that I love him."

Feeling tears well up in her eyes she knew she'd better hurry up and finish, "But I want you to know that I'll never love Holden in the way that I loved you. You will always be the father of my children. They're such great girls Keith if only you could see them, I know you'd be so proud. Lucy's just like you all fire and spunk and Lydia she got your head for math and as it turns out has a talent for swimming as well." Lorraine laughed softly, "They don't remember you much, but I tell them about you all the time, but you know that don't you? Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I'm ready to move on. On to the next chapter in my life. You'll never truly be in the past, but I can't continue to live in the hole of sorrow I've been in since you died. I want to be happy again. Holden makes me feel happy and safe. I hope you can understand I'll never forget you. I love you, Keith Callahan. I always will."