Why Not?

Swear to me

Lindsey spent four nights at one of the properties he had bought as Kristen told him to leave. He wasn't sure whether that meant just for the time being or forever. He packed a bag and did as she asked him. At first, Lindsey didn't feel anything, he just drove for hours, with the radio on. His emotions began showing when out of the blue, Stevie's voice came on the radio, a song from her previous album, titled You May Be The One. Halfway through the song, he was openly crying, wondering if the song was about him, of course it was, it had to be. Whenever she believed he was the one, he somehow screwed it up. And he did demand so much. Just how many times had there been that kiss, after which no words were spoken as he forgot himself, made love to her and left her heartbroken. Again. I used to love you... used to, he whispered. Did she not love me anymore? He did have the goodness too, but it was so hard for him to show her, when he should have, when they still stood a chance, when he wasn't a married man and a father of three. Why it lasted so long, it was a mystery to him as well. When I've hurt her so many times?, Lindsey asked himself. The tears I've cried for you, and it has happened, were always real, he continued. I used to love you, SO much... he had to stop at the side of the road to gather himself back together. Damn you, Stevie!, he gripped the steering wheel tightly and leaned his forehead against it. She was too good with her words... 

A message from Kristen both relieved and worried Lindsey, after almost a week. 

'Come home, we have to talk.'

It was all it said. Come home part was good, but the we have to talk, he doubt it...

Lindsey used his key to enter the house, as he walked inside and felt somewhat nervous. It was his own house, for God's sake! He heard the TV in the living room, but then he guessed it was turned off as it became silent. Kristen appeared, her arms crossed over her chest, she definitely didn't look excited about seeing him.

"Hey." Lindsey spoke and it took her a moment to reply. "Are the kids home?" He asked, as they went back to the living room.

"No. I made sure of it."

Oh, this is going to be serious, Lindsey thought to himself, sitting down. 

"I asked you to come because I want the whole truth."

"About..."

"About you and her, everything since Fleetwood Mac reunion in 1997."

"Kristen, do we really have to..."

"Start talking." She sat in the armchair, still the sour expression across her face. 

"Okay... Around the time, you and I were a couple, but I was seeing Stevie too. We both had changed so much by then, I... I simply adored her. I loved her. Things between us were going amazingly well, I don't know if it was because we were just sleeping together and there was no real commitment, which she was always terrified of or we were finally able to put all of our differences aside. When you told me you were pregnant, Stevie was the first person I told that. She just... She congratulated me, saying that I've wanted to be a father and I got my chance, so she wouldn't stand in the way of that. We broke our affair off for some time, but it started again, because I couldn't stay away, I simply couldn't. I needed her. I missed her. I..." He stopped, weighing up what he wanted to say, but since she wanted him to be honest... "I thought about breaking up with you, when you were already pregnant, it got so bad. But Stevie didn't let me, saying that she couldn't give me a family. I told her that we had options, as in... as in adoption for example..." No, he was not at all proud of revealing this. "She called me mad and chose to be a secret. As the years went on, the thoughts of leaving you were less and less, I thought marrying you was the best. Stevie was trying to distance herself from me after we got married, our affair was barely existing, when she completely broke it off before we started working on Say You Will. I think that's why it was a difficult time for us. There's not much to say about the following years. The Unleashed tour wasn't my favorite... Because she was very cold towards me and I didn't want to push her as I knew it would annoy her and we wouldn't talk at all. Then Stevie asked me to help her out on In Your Dreams. The first day... everyone went home and um... she suggested having a drink, so I stayed and we... we slept together. Things were wonderful again, which is why the 2013 tour was so incredible. Although, we weren't seeing each other all the time, we did spend a few nights together. Again, Stevie decided she couldn't handle it anymore... We weren't involved romantically until now."

Neither one of the two said a word for a long time, as Lindsey kept glancing at Kristen, who was staring ahead of her at nothing. 

"I guess, I wanted to know everything." She sighed, looking over at him. "Are you in love with her?"

"No. I don't know..." Lindsey shrugged his shoulders, truly hating himself. "Kristen, it doesn't matter. I don't want us to separate, I want us to remain a family. I fucked up like never before, but I'm begging you to forgive me. I want to come home and be a husband to you and a father to our children."

"If she was single, would you be telling me the same thing you just did?"

"I don't know! I don't! I don't want to talk about what if's, I told you what I do want."

"You have to promise me, Lindsey, swear to me..." Kristen emphasized. "That you will never look at that woman like she's more to you than just a member of the band you're playing in too and a friend, at most. You have to stop all your bullshit on stage, I don't care if it's an act or not, it has to end. If I so much as hear a rumor going around about you two, we'll be over for good and I mean it. I won't forgive you again. This is the only time, Lindsey."

"I understand." He nodded, his heartbeat beginning to slow down."I won't make that mistake again."

Kristen stood up and said, before leaving the room. "I'll have the guest room ready for you."

Lindsey exhaled deeply and thanked her, only now realizing just how much he risked, by getting involved with Stevie intimately again. He knew that Kristen wouldn't let this go easily, not that she should, he hurt her terribly and he deserved every bit of her anger towards him.