The Lonebird

Part One - My thoughts.

My thoughts. They can be too loud and take over sometimes. I try my hardest to be my age and not let them but, it's my first time living too.

I always find myself on the most random times during the day, spiraling into the same void I created in my head.
Ending it all.
Oh to be free for once. I got so used to falling that I forgot how to fly. I'm just a lonebird, all alone in the end.

You don't have to worry about me. This is just a part of my actual personality.
I turned 22 this year, so far I realized I'm too tired to even sit on a chair like normal people.
I'm just so tired that even my soul is begging me to be freed. Life is too hard for birds like me, I don't have the right wings for this weather. I feel like I'm living a way too demanding life for my age and I'm only 22. Fuck, I'm 22, I'm getting older... time flies man. I need to get a job, I don't even have enough money for a train ticket, I need to start studying again, I've gained weight, I'm lazy, I haven't been on a walk since last summer, I need to read books again, I need to pluck my eyebrows, I haven't met up with my friends in a while, are we even still friends at this point?

I don't know if I've gotten high blood pressure, way too low iron or if it's my thoughts making this buzzing sound in my ears. But this haunting sound is with me all the time, it just chooses to be heard sometimes. Just like my pain, I carry it with me wherever I go, but only in a certain place or time it'll show.

Maybe I should let my friend give that sketchy dude a call. I know he's got exactly what I'm looking for, but not for the reason my friend think it is. Or I'll just go to that one bridge near me over some train tracks and spread my wings for the last time. Ouch no. What's the easiest way now again? Hold on, my mom is calling.