"Fire & Ice" by Gratiana Lovelace (Revised for Wattpad, 2015) (Completed)

Ch. 3 (PG-13, S): A Second Chance at Love

Thomas: "I guess, I didn't feel worthy of you, of your love. And Foster fed on my insecurities." In part, Thomas had become a special field operative in the first place for its solitary life--him not thinking that he would ever find love. And then he met Caroline and they fell in love--his first real love, his only love. Thomas was ill equipped to embrace their relationship fully, expecting that his foibles would irritate her and push her away--especially when they moved in together and she found out how truly untidy a person he was. "In the end, my betrayal of you proved that I wasn't worthy of you."

Thomas looks at Caroline yearningly, wanting to recapture the love that they shared so long ago, but not daring to hope that she will forgive him. He still doesn't feel worthy of her. And Caroline is wary about Thomas--not thinking him unworthy, but also feeling mistrustful of him. She cannot let him in to her life, only to be abandoned later by him. She has Trevor to [think] of now. Caroline replies to him with a stoic poise that she is far from feeling.

Caroline: "Thomas, I was... I still am very hurt by what happened between us. ... But, I hope that we can put that behind us for Trevor's sake. I have always hoped that Trevor would someday meet his Daddy—you, Thomas—and have you in his life. That's why I've kept you alive in Trevor's mind and heart with pretend notes and presents. So, whatever difficulties you and I might have personally, I hope we can still be good parents to Trevor together." Caroline musters all of her willpower to not break down in tears and kiss and embrace Thomas—her only love. But, she thinks too much time has passed and all that she can hope for is for Thomas to be in Trevor's life—even if Thomas will not be in her life except as a professional colleague.

Thomas: "Thank you for that, Caroline. I would like to be a part of Trevor's life." Thomas looks at Caroline and senses the invisible barriers that she has put up—that his betrayal of her helped build--and it makes him sad. Then Thomas [(3) ] says with trepidation--and with no expectation that Caroline will forgive him, let alone that she will take him back—but he has to tell her his feelings because he may never get another chance. "Caroline, ... I still love you. I always have. There has been no one in my life since you—at all. If there's a chance that we might be able to start fresh—to see where that takes us as a couple--I would like that very much. And, I want this not just for Trevor's sake, but for ours."

Caroline hears what her heart wants Thomas to say to her, but her rational mind tells her not to believe him. The trust that was shattered between them four years ago, cannot be easily mended. Then Caroline says quietly to Thomas honestly and without recrimination.

Caroline: "I don't know if we can recapture what we had Thomas. ..." But then, Caroline truthfully and searingly tells Thomas how much he has hurt her. "I loved you completely before—with my whole heart and soul— ... and you threw me away with your unfounded and hurtful accusations. ... I haven't been able to trust or to love anyone since then—since you. What if you change your mind and you decided that you don't love me afterall? I can't go through that again. I have Trevor to think of now." Caroline tears up and not being able to stop herself from crying, she buries her face in her uninjured right hand turning away from Thomas who is sitting to her left.

Thomas: "Caroline, I ..."

Moved by Caroline's anguish ... that he caused ... and wanting to comfort her, Thomas instinctively puts his arms behind her back and underneath her legs and he lifts her body up and places Caroline sitting sideways on his lap—as they used to do when they were together as lovers years ago. And Thomas gently holds Caroline in his arms in a loose embrace. At first, Caroline resists being held in his arms, but Thomas holds her in his embrace so gently, so tenderly, so lovingly, that Caroline then just lays against him and sobs into his neck as her arms go around Thomas' shoulders.