Imperious.

Part XX: Emilia & Tom

© 2014 XxNotTonightXx.

All Rights Reserved

Author's Note: Please vote and comment, it helps. This is the second time both Emilia and Tom's perspectives are immersed into one chapter, if there's any confusion, please let me know. Enjoy. 

Pages: 77 - 81

T O M -

  Suffocating her? Is that what I'm doing? I thought we were getting to a good place. I thought we were in a good place. She's happy and I'm happy and we're happy and we're taking care of the pack like, like an Alpha female and an Alpha male should, like two people in love should, like a couple should.

But, instead, I suffocated her. Pushing her too much and -- wait, how did I do this?

How could I have possibly suffocated her? I didn't push her to officially make me an Alpha and she said in her own words that me doing the meetings with the pack would make her happy. It was the only reason why I did it in the first place! So how am I suffocating her?

When Emilia told me she wanted to take a shower with me, I immediately caught a boner with the idea of seeing her completely naked. But then, does that mean she wants to mate? Is she ready to go that far in our relationship?

Her running away from me and locking herself in our bedroom proves that she isn't and that we have some things to talk about. I just don't understand what I did wrong, but I do know that despite me not knowing what I did wrong, I still want to beg for her forgiveness and fix whatever I did, and make her happy. Like I used too.

E M I L I A -

I'll face him and tell him what's wrong with me. It's only the right thing to do. I'm an Alpha; I don't back down and I won't start now, especially not to the hands of my human mate. I won't do it.

But goddamnit, I'm scared. The tone of his voice when I yelled at him made my insides churn disastrously. I feel nauseous and sick. I'm overwhelmed by everything and then nothing at all. It's insanity, really. What if he yells at me? What if he doesn't forgive me? Will he leave again?

God no, he can't leave me. Not again. Why did I do this? The fact that all this catastrophe is my fault, and that it's only up to me to fix this, is driving me crazy. How am I supposed to fix it? I can't tell him why I yelled at him. I can't tell him I don't think I'm good enough.

Everytime I walk to the bedroom door with the intent on opening it and walking downstairs, through the hall and into the living room where I know my mate will be, panic seizes me before dragging me back to where I came from, inches from my bed -- our bed.

What if I do tell him the truth? That I'm scared, that I won't be enough for him. He's experienced and I'm not - what if those previous girls did tricks in bed that I can't? What if they went down on him better than I could ever imagine? Sex is a big part of people's relationships; I've seen perfect relationships end because the sex wasn't good enough. What will Tom say when I tell him that I'm scared he'll leave me when and if I disappoint him in bed?

Well, I'll never know if I don't suit up and actually say what's on my mind, right? Mustering up all my courage, I put my hair in a ponytail to lessen the heat whirling around me. Walking to the bedroom door, I open it and begin to walk down the stairs, dreading the conversation to come. No matter what happens, I've got to face this fear and tell him the truth.

T O M -

The door opens like it did two minutes ago, and two minutes before that, so I don't pay much attention to it, or her; when she's ready to tell me exactly how I suffocated her, I'll be interested, but until then, Emilia needs to get her shit together.