Running to You | Park Han + JL + Steven | Haneulz + Stejay AU

Chapter 67: In Hindsight

Chih En scanned the room, the cold clinical kitchen, the showroom-hollow living room.  "No clutter," he noted. "Suspicious."

"I don't live here much."

"You should," Jeongwoo said. "This place has heat. The dorm showers have ghosts."

Han sipped his coffee. "I like the dorms."

Jeongwoo paused. "You like sleeping on a vinyl mattress five feet from Kyungho's snoring?"

Han shrugged, voice low. "Don't like waking up alone."

That quieted the room for a second.

Chih En exchanged a glance with Jeongwoo, who exhaled through his nose and sat up a little straighter. "Well. That explains the dramatic wall-slide during karaoke."

Han buried his face in one hand.

"Don't worry," Jeongwoo said brightly. "We only recorded part of it."

"Anyway," Chih En said, returning to mission mode, "we came to talk."

Han raised an eyebrow. "About what?"

"About losing," Jeongwoo said. "And why it kind of felt good."

Han looked at him like he was growing moss out of his ears.

Jeongwoo elaborated. "I saw Kenta again in the highlights. He really ran like he wanted it more than anything in the world. And I realized... I want to feel like that."

"Even in second place?" Chih En asked.

"Especially in second place," Jeongwoo said. "I've been coasting on charisma for years. But watching him -- I wanted to fight. To earn something."

Han stirred his coffee. "You think I don't want that too?"

"I think you hide it better," Chih En said. "Like you're scared it makes you human."

Han didn't answer.

"I pushed JL," he said finally, "because I thought that's what he needed. I thought, he deserves someone who believes he can overcome this."

Silence again. Then Jeongwoo said, "If someone had pushed me the way you pushed him... I think I would've taken it as a compliment."

Han's brow furrowed.

"Because it would've meant someone expected me to fight," Jeongwoo explained. "Instead of assuming I'd break."

Chih En nodded. "Those guys didn't just outrun us at the Supermeet. They were... freer than us."

Han looked down at his hands -- knuckles bruised, not from fighting, but from swinging at nothing.

"JL runs like that too," he murmured. "Like no one's watching. Even when everyone is."

They sat with that.

Then Chih En said, softly, "Heejun runs like he's being cheered for even when he's alone."

Jeongwoo added, "It's like he believes he belongs."

Han gave a dry laugh. "I don't know if I've ever felt that. Belonging."

"I haven't either," Chih En said. "I just... copy what works."

"You mean you don't run like a wild animal," Jeongwoo teased.

"I don't even run messy," Chih En admitted. "But lately, I kind of want to."

Han tilted his head. "That mean someone's been getting under your skin?"

Chih En didn't answer. But the flush in his neck said enough.

Han clocked it. "You should talk to Shuaibo."

That earned a full-body twitch.

Jeongwoo blinked. "Wait. Shuaibo?"

"I've seen the way you look at him," Han said. "Like he's a theorem in a textbook that's stumping you all day. And it pisses you off that it makes you feel something."

"It's not like that," Chih En muttered.

Han raised an eyebrow. "Isn't it?"

Jeongwoo leaned forward. "It's okay to want something chaotic. Someone passionate."

Chih En looked away.

Han, quieter now: "Tell him. Before it gets away from you."

Jeongwoo added, "Messy's not the worst thing. Silent is."

Han didn't answer for a long moment. Then he said, like he was admitting it only to himself, "It's not easy. Giving someone room to fall apart."

The coffee had gone cold.

Han dragged his fingers through his hair, sighing. "So... I made a fool of myself."

"Oh, for sure," Jeongwoo said brightly. "But like, emotionally devastating fool. Not slapstick fool."

"Devastating to whom?"

"You, mostly. JL maybe. Us definitely."

Han narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean, JL maybe?"

Chih En passed him a mug. "He took care of you, Han. Got you home. Drove your car. Manual, right?"

Han blinked. "He what?"

And there it was.

Flash.
The faint scent of leather seats.
The soft click of a gear shift.
JL's hands, calm, steady on the wheel.
A voice, low and annoyed: "You assume too much, you stupid, infuriating Han."

Han nearly dropped the mug. He gripped the edge of the table.

"Oh no."

Jeongwoo perked up. "Memory loading?"

Another flash.
Cold hands passing him a glass.
JL kneeling to untie his sneakers.
A laugh, his own, too loud, too earnest: "You're so nice to me."
JL's sigh: "Don't make it weird."

He dropped his head onto the table.

"I made it weird."

Chih En, without sympathy: "You serenaded him."

Han groaned.

Jeongwoo leaned back, hands behind his head. "Then there was the water. The forehead touch. The way you clung to him like a sleepy octopus."

More flashes.
The edge of JL's sleeve clenched in his fist.
Breath shared in a too-quiet car.
His own voice, slurred but sincere: "I love you."

Han's eyes snapped open. He sat bolt upright.

"No."

"Yup," Jeongwoo said.

"I did not  -- "

"You did," Chih En confirmed, mildly. "Very much."

Han stared at them, wide-eyed. "Why didn't you stop me?"

Jeongwoo smirked. "Buddy, we've been waiting three years for your character development. We're not hitting pause now."

Han slumped back in his seat, defeated. "What did he say?"

"He didn't," Chih En said gently.

Han blinked. "Oh."

"He helped you inside," Jeongwoo said, more carefully now. "Put a blanket on you. Left a hangover remedy. Then locked up. That's it."

Han looked down at the table, silent.

His heart was trying to beat its way out of his ribs.

He didn't remember the moment, not fully -- but his body did. A warmth under his skin. A kind of softness he didn't know he was still capable of.

Chih En nudged the mug toward him again. "You don't have to remember it all. But maybe... remember how it felt?"

Han looked at the morning remedy bottle again. Jay Park's smile was as frozen as ever. It seemed to say, "Don't look at me, that was all you."